The more you laugh, the less you panic
COMEDIAN GEORGE LEWIS HAS WRITTEN THE NEW BOOK ABOUT FATHERHOOD. LISA SALMON TALKS TO THE DAD-OF-TWO ABOUT THE FUNNY SIDE OF HAVING KIDS
IT’S a serious business being a dad – after all, you’ve helped create and will have a major role in shaping the personality of a real human being.
But happily, there’s a flip-side to the weighty responsibility of being a parent, and it’s one comedian George Lewis is keen to share in a bid to bring some light to his often exhausted, busy and bewildered fellow dads.
Father-of-two George, who’s appeared on ITV2’s Stand Up Sketch Show and has written for programmes including Have I Got News for You and 8 out of 10 Cats, has just written Don’t Panic!, a light-hearted look at being a dad, which features dad observations from fellow comedians including Adam Kay and Romesh Ranganathan.
“Being a dad is probably the most confusing, frustrating and infuriating thing you’ll ever do,” says George.
“But among all the nappy changes, extreme sleep deprivation and cleaning up of so much food you don’t know who you are any more, there’s plenty to laugh about.
“And the more you laugh, the less you’ll panic. Or you’ll just panic and laugh at the same time and look completely unhinged.”
To prove to doubting dads that there’s a funny side to fatherhood, George highlights some of parenting’s lighter moments...
1. You become very aware of how your parenting is viewed
The first big moment you feel on show is when you announce the pregnancy to everyone, says George.
“There are different styles you can employ for this announcement and you’ve probably seen a few of them.
“Some people post pictures of scans next to a cinema board announcing ‘Baby Lewis coming next June’; some post black-andwhite photos of anonymous babies’ feet with a phrase on it like ‘our family is about to get two feet bigger’, and I’ve even seen a picture of a dog wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I’m going to be a brother’, which raised a hell of a lot of questions in my head.
“When we can laugh about it, it helps lift the pressure, which you’ll feel right from the start. But you’ve got to try and let go of that.”
2. There can be a funny side to the birth (for dads at least)
George says that while both parents might be terrified about the birth, it can be the setting for some funny moments.
“Unfortunately, it’s often the dad who’s the butt of the joke,” he admits, and recounts a story from former doctor Adam, who said: “I think the gold medal goes to a dad who, on watching baby crowning, shouted, ‘Where’s its face?!,’ causing the mum to scream, the baby to fly out uncontrolled and a rather big tear to occur.
“Turns out the baby’s face was fine and was located – as is traditional – on the front of its head. (Babies are generally born facing down, by the way.)”
3. Ridiculousness of kids’ tantrums
George points out that when you’re a parent you’re faced with extremes of human emotion and it’s your job to make sense of it.
“Kids’ tantrums can be extreme,” he says. “I’ve seen my son drop to the floor kicking his feet out, arching his back and screaming until he could no longer catch his breath, all because he’d finished the cracker he was eating... He had another cracker in his other hand.”
4. Discipline dilemmas “Dads will often completely wing it with their discipline techniques in the hope it’ll magically work,” George observes.
“But be careful, because it’s easy to mess up. I once warned my son, ‘If you chuck another carrot on the floor then you’re not allowed any more vegetables’.
Of course, he chucked another carrot on the floor.
“Then I had to stick to my stupid word, which he was delighted about.
“My wife was livid and the kid almost developed scurvy.”
5. Babies are ‘disgusting’
George points out that the rules of common decency go out the window for babies.
“Babies are disgusting,” he insists. “They let all of their bodily functions happen without embarrassment.
“But there’s something liberating about spending all your time with a person who’s so untethered by society’s stuffy rules.
“Someone who’ll happily cough in your mouth, p*** in your face and s*** everywhere. It’s so disgusting, you can’t help but laugh”
6. A whole new take on The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Fatherhood forces you to see art and literature in a new light, George
points out. “After a hundred or so reads, The Very Hungry Caterpillar becomes a different kind of story; a victim of his own greed, he is doomed to make the same mistakes again and again, and you are forced to watch.
“It’s like an episode of Black Mirror.”
7. Watch what you say when you’re changing their nappies
“There’s so much new stuff to work out,” says George.
“Some you’ll find easy, some takes a bit of getting used to. Like a lot of dads, I initially felt more comfortable changing my son’s nappy than my daughter’s because, as I said to my wife much too loudly one time when we were out in public, ‘I know what I’m doing with a penis.”’
8. Do your kids take after you?
George says dads can be forced to see themselves in a different light.
“You might not want to, but, like I say, you can be forced.
“You’ll notice characteristics of yours in your kid – or someone else will.
For instance, you might say to your partner, ‘He’s got your cute little nose’ and she might reply, ‘And he has your manipulative streak.”’
9. Hands-on dads are treated like war heroes
George says one of the biggest perks of being a dad is also one he’s most ashamed of.
“When you perform normal acts of parenting in a public space, you’re treated like a war hero.
“The same tasks that wouldn’t get the mother a second glance have middle-aged ladies fawning over you and the general public rising to give you a standing ovation,” he says.
“I once cleaned my daughter’s face in a coffee shop, while there was also a mother there feeding one of her kids while breastfeeding the other. Yet it was me that all of the other customers looked like they were going to start a slow hand clap for.
“It’s completely sexist and unfair, and so hard not to enjoy.”
10. The teething trick
While George admits there will be stressful and worrying times and plenty of points where you don’t know what’s going on, he says: “If I could give you one trick to blag your way through, it’s this: the perfect phrase for the learner dad whenever there’s a problem is, ‘Might be teething...’. More often than not, you’ll be right.
“I don’t think I’ll ever stop using it. When my daughter arrives home in tears at 23 years old and says, ‘I’m leaving him!,’ I’ll undoubtedly turn to my wife and say, ‘Don’t worry, she’s probably just teething.”’
Don’t Panic! All The Stuff The Expectant Dad Needs to Know, by George Lewis is published by Monoray, £12.99
THE tech world turned its attention to Barcelona this week as the Spanish city hosted the Mobile World Congress. Traditionally this has been an event at which many of the biggest phone-makers have shown off their new stuff.
Not so for the last couple of years, obviously – but for 2022 the event was back on in-person, and while several of the biggest hitters didn’t show up, many did.
The event was dominated by news from Chinese manufacturers, and there were some interesting things to take away… here are some of them.
Oppo’s on the charge!
Oppo took MWC as an opportunity to show off not a new phone, but a new kind of charging technology.
The new system essentially chugs more power into the battery at a faster rate – we’re looking at 150W of power as opposed to the 80W.
The new system will charge a fairly standard 4,500mAh battery from 1% to 50% in five minutes, and to 100% in just 15 minutes.
Although it’s not available in any smartphone yet, Oppo says it will appear in an as-yet unknown phone from its sub-brand OnePlus later this year.
Meanwhile Oppo revealed the OnePlus 10 Pro flagship phone it released in China earlier this year is being rolled out globally ‘this spring.’
Honor Magic 4 Pro phones
Honor revealed its latest top-ofthe-line smartphone at MWC – the Magic 4 Pro. And again, it was all about the charging. This time we’re looking at wireless charging at 100W – which means you can get this phone to 50% in 15 minutes, and fully-charged in 30.
The phone also sports a distinctive round camera array on the back,with two 50MP units (a wide and ultrawide), and a 64MP telephoto unit with 3.5x optical zoom. Honor hasn’t said when the phone will be out, or indeed where, but we can expect to see it here in the coming months and all bets are on a price-range around the £1,000-mark.
Honor also unveiled a set of new earbuds – the 3 Pro. While they may look familiar, they do sport a major innovation – they contain temperature sensors.
The measurements can be used to track fertility in users, and are also useful in sleep tracking.
The Earbuds 3 Pro are expected to cost around £200, but no release date has yet been offered.
New Huawei e-reader
Huawei is a little bit hobbled in the smartphone world at the moment due to the ban on using any Google technologies in its devices. That may be why it used the MWC to show off a new line of e-readers.
The 10.3inch MatePad Paper is an e-ink device that has one over on Amazon’s Kindle – it’s compatible with the Huawei M-Pencil stylus – yes, you can use it as a notebook.
Books will come from Huawei’s own store, which it says houses 2m items. The MatePad paper is
expected to cost around £400, but we don’t know when it will hit markets.
Poco’s big value for a small price
Last but not least is the Poco X4 Pro 5G phone – which is largely unremarkable, aside from the fact that it packs a punch almost unknown at the price range.
For around £200 you’re going to get a lot of features you might find in more mid-range phones.
An example would be the 108MP camera sensor on the back of the device – if it works as well as promised, it’ll blow its nearest rivals out of the water.
Poco says orders will begin now – visit its website at po.co for more on availability.