VISUALISE SUCCESS
judge our worth in the world”, says Dr McNeill.
Basing core judgements of yourself on external factors, like your job, the way you look, your relationship status, the number of friends you have or the amount of money you make, doesn’t equate to healthy self-worth.
Dr Fonseca says: “If you think about it, none of them are likely to be essential to feeling good about ourselves. When any of these features becomes a foundation for your self-worth, it can lead to fragile self-esteem. As long as you see yourself through this lens, it will inevitably lead you to ‘score keeping’ – and you’ll find that no score is ever high enough.”
Dr McNeill agrees it’s important to “recognise and enjoy your strengths, and make time for people in your life who validate your feelings”.
“THERE will have been times in life when you succeeded and felt great with no doubt in your mind. Remembering these events can give you a head start on defeating doubt,” says Wendy, but go one step further and think ahead too. “Use mental rehearsal before you attempt anything.
“Imagine doing what it is and feeling how it feels to succeed. See yourself walking through the scenario time and time again with more confidence, hear yourself saying that you believe you can achieve and then really feel what that feels like.”
The ‘feeling’ part is the most important part to focus on, she adds. The more intensely you can feel that emotion, the more energy you’ll have driving you forwards to achieve it. the fear of believing we’re not good enough.”
So, it’s key to make sure what you’re going for – a role at work, a side project, a particular relationship, a solo trip or a fitness challenge – is actually fulfilling to you, to who you are deep down, rather than filling a need to feel accepted by others. Dr Fonseca agrees that listening to societal expectations can be dangerous. “When we measure ourselves with these standards, we might find ourselves lacking – and that’s the problem. You need to embrace your own path. “If you’re able to shift that perspective and strengthen your sense of self, you will find yourself prioritising what really matters to you.”