Hard up? Just tell the kids Santa’s having to self-isolate
IAM a fan of traditional panto. I delight in watching former soap stars tread the boards at provincial theatres and shouting, “Your career’s behind you” at them. have, as an amateur thespian, played panto for my local am-dram society’s production of Aladdin.
I brought a gritty realism to the role of Widow Twankey, a tragiccomedic character.
So moving was my final soliloquy, it was a good 15 minutes before the audience filed out of the auditorium.
In fairness, he was on crutches.
Due to financial restraints, we were forced last year to stage Snow White with only six dwarves. No one was Happy.
Panto is a fundamental part of Christmas, oh yes it is.
I was therefore delighted to learn Birmingham Hippodrome has pledged the show will go on. Its panto, Robin Hood starring Strictly Come Dancing’s Craig Revel Horwood, will not be lost through lockdown.
It will, however, be staged at the Alexandra Theatre, it will not kickoff until January 15, will feature only one act and social distancing will be strictly observed.
A clear case of, “he’s behind you – by a good few yards”.
It is, however, a much-needed step towards festive normality.
If the Hippodrome’s panto horse was here now I’d buy it a pint. Actually, make that two halves. On our digital site BirminghamLive, the Hippodrome announced this week: “We’re delighted to be working together to make sure that our loyal audiences in Birmingham don’t miss out on the magic of pantomime this year.
“Although on a different stage, this year’s show will be designed and created by the usual Hippodrome panto creative team, and will feature all the comedy and laughter our audiences have come to expect.”
Back-room staff should be congratulated. Other tinsel tales on our news website suggest a strained season tainted by cash woes, however.
Reporter Zoe Chamberlain has revealed eight money-saving Christmas tips submitted by readers.
“There are thrifty ways you can save money and still create a lovely festive experience for your children, both on Christmas Day and in the run-up,” Zoe writes.
To that end, one mum revealed: “One year when we could not afford to buy, we just bought for the kids.
“Then my husband and I went through our cupboards and gave each other things we already had that we did not use and things the kids had not seen, ie, a book not read or jewellery not worn so the kids still thought we got each other presents.” I have rummaged through our cupboards. Hope my wife enjoys the pickled onions. I’m getting two Pot Noodles. I peeked.
Another contributor wisely urges: “Tell all adults in the family to forget about presents for each other and just concentrate on the children.”
Personally, I think there’s no better time to keep kids out of the Christmas equation, too.
Just tell them Santa’s self-isolating.
“I have always bought presents during the year,” wrote another mum. “During sales and in charity shops you can often find new goods you know someone will love.”
I’m a tad irritated by wellorganised individuals who complete Christmas shopping months in advance, then proclaim in astonishment: “REALLY – you haven’t bought yours yet? Ours were all wrapped by July.” That’s cruel – particularly when dealing with puppies.
My Christmas shopping takes place on December 24. It often takes place, in its entirety, at an all-night garage five minutes from home.
One day, my wife will thank me for those bags of charcoal – perhaps when she takes-up brass rubbing as a hobby – and Turtle Wax sachets.
This year, even the Christmas adverts seem to have lost their sparkle.
There has, BirminghamLive reports, been something of a backlash to Marks and Spencer’s commercial.
It shows a married couple kissing in front of their uncomfortable children.
Viewers have been “distracted” by the scene which they describe as “awkward”.
“I don’t think she likes him,” joked one, while a second said: “Awful advert.”
I think it’s simply unrealistic. Most parents are so fraught and exhausted, tis a time for domestic disharmony.
I’d prefer to see the couple grappling, the man desperately trying to fend off his crazed wife as she swings a turkey leg violently.
The slogan would be simply: “This is not just a row, it’s an M&S
row.”
BirminghamLive is also garnering hits courtesy of the following bombshell: “Sainsbury’s reveals inspiration behind ‘Gravy Song’ Christmas ad.”
I’m pushing the boat out here, but it’s gravy, surely?
This year my wife and I have made the bold decision to cancel Christmas. We’ve told young nieces and nephews Father Christmas won’t be visiting our humble abode.
It’s down to elf and safety.
Bought a home pregnancy kit. Turns out our terraced property is pregnant. I have a diamond encrusted crowbar. It’s a gemmy. Rick Astley declined to have a custard pie fight with me. “I’ll never run round and dessert you,” he said. My wife said: “If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone else.” Just found out “anything” doesn’t include being stuck in a traffic jam. I am a young man from Dublin... who hasn’t quite got the hang of writing limericks...