Imaginary letter from a hard-at-it Tory MP...

DEAR Sir or Madam

I must be allowed to pursue my career to keep me in touch with the real world.

This is important to enhance my performance as an MP and also to uphold the law in the British Virgin Islands.

It was lovely being there for three weeks in September and also I could vote remotely, in between cocktails on the beach, to keep the government on track to win the vital vote on the standards debate in Parliament.

Now I know I earned nearly £1,000,000 for the extra work, but honestly how can anyone expect me to exist on £80,000 per year – which is really just pocket money – and keep up my standard of living?

Honestly, how can I be expected to do my job as a parliamentarian with such a low remuneration?

I will leave the decision as to whether or not I should remain as an MP to the good sense and the general apathy of the voters and my 20,000 majority.

Yours faithfully, etc

David Goodger