Boris’s bridges are castles in the sky

IT is with regret and some sadness that I have to report another cloudburst has occurred on Boris’s latest blue sky thinking.

An independent investigation has finally given the thumbs down to the Prime Minister’s idea to build a bridge or dig a tunnel from Scotland to Northern Ireland.

A government spokesman said: “We realised that a tunnel was a tad risky, due to all the explosives dumped in the Irish Sea after the Second World War, but a bridge would have worked splendidly.”

Other examples of Boris’s brilliant ideas include building an airport runway on the Thames estuary, or somewhere near on the river. He also bought three water cannon, which would have been extremely useful if that unimaginative lady, Mrs May, hadn’t quashed it, wasting £3 million.

His next spiffing wheeze was to build a “garden” bridge to span the Thames. Work went ahead developing plans at a cost of £21 million which were, unfortunately, washed down the drain when engineers using common sense pointed out they were totally unrealistic.

Boris likes bridges and once mentioned to French president Emmanuel Macron that one could be built between their two countries. Fortunately, it was quickly forgotten.

Now I don’t want to be a wet blanket or, in Boris’s words, a “doomster and gloomster”, but he visited Peppa Pig World yesterday and there are rumours of a ladder from the Earth to the Moon.

David Goodger