Rodney Casbierd Long hours and winding roads

Following rumours on social media of a shortage of truck driving jobs, road haulage firms have found themselves overwhelmed by a surge of applications from people wanting to drive HGVs.

One applicant, Laurie Driver, told me that he was giving up his career in the City and swapping his Porsche for a Scania 18wheeler.

“As someone used to gambling and risktaking, I have been lured in by the longhours culture, the excitement involved with finding any free space in a lorry park and getting my head around juggling clashes between driving and working-time rules. The six-hour working rule, 10-hour night rule, periods of availability, it looks like such good fun, I can’t wait.”

One recent new recruit, Philippa Pallet, said; “What really swung it for me was the high level of surveillance by my employer.

“It makes me feel safe knowing that they are constantly monitoring my every movement, especially when I have to go and hide in the roadside bushes due to the lack of toilet facilities.”

She continued; “Plus pay levels have rocketed so much that now I can afford to pay for a hot dog every day although obviously, since I’m a woman, not a Yorkie bar as well.”

Their prospective employers echo these sentiments, saying that the terms and conditions of employment are proving to be a real hit; “They just love the independence that comes with bogus self-employment, especially the uncertain working hours and the freedom of paying for their own routine training and certification,” declared the managing director of Scrooge Transport.