Unfair to put onus on the public

It would be a fitting finale. One last political storm to end the years of shocks, scandals and general shenanigans that have dogged his days in Downing Street.

Forget Party-gate, Wallpaper-gate and all the other PPE-related or shady side-deals among his cronies: How about our outgoing Prime Minister being caught up in a Watergate affair?

Hold on, I am not talking about recreating the original American political break-in scandal where All The Presidents Men on the Washington Post eventually brought down US President ‘Tricky-Dicky’ Nixon.

No, in the current days of heatwaves, drought and forthcoming hosepipe bans, I’m just waiting for revelations – leaked, of course – of late-night waterings going on round the back of No 10.

First, there will be scurrilous rumours in the Westminster tea-rooms; then grainy footage on the internet and finally his press secretary’s denials.

In off-the record briefings, the Government spokesman will interrupt the man from The Daily Mirror with the immortal line: “I beg your pardon, he never promised Carrie to water the rose garden.”

Of course, it will all be denied.

Cultural guardian Nadine Dorries will claim no one knew the rules they had made and that he had been ambushed by a sprinkler on his way to a meeting.

But, for one-time only, I would fully support Boris for being caught redhanded, at 3am, by the light of his iPhone torch, on a patriotic mission to Save Our Shrubs!

Because, as I look at the scorchedearth reality that has already decimated my back garden with dead or dying hydrangeas, fuchsia bushes burnt to a crisp and climbing roses that have given up the ghost, I don’t believe it should be us gardeners who are about to be threatened with £1,000 fines.

Nor do I want to be made to feel guilty if it takes me longer than four minutes to have a shower…I’ve timed it at five minutes, and that was by myself!

I am happy to save water where I can, but I am not going to be lectured by a water industry which loses more than 20 per cent of all its single asset responsibility in leaky pipes across the countr y.

Get this: They lose 3.2billion litres of water each day – repeat day - through leaks, according to Ofwat, the industry regulator.

At the same time – since privatisation – water company bosses have sucked out £72billion in dividends while adding £56billion of debt onto balance sheets, according to The Times.

And what have we got to show for it? A record number of fines for illegal dumping of sewage in our rivers; a promise to cut leaks in half…but not until 2050, and not one new reservoir built since 1976. This is the real scandal.

Now, if the year 1976 rings a bell – apart from when Southampton won the FA Cup (sorry, personal pleasure) – then you may remember it was the year of the last big drought.

And I do believe the Government have missed a trick by not appointing a Minister for Floods, if only as a nostalgic Brexit Benefit for the way we were.

Although, in truth, no sooner had Labour MP Denis Howell been appointed, than we ended up with heavy rain all over the country, causing widespread flooding!

As for our current crisis, I am sure it will increase the drip, drip effect of calls to nationalise our chronically underinvested water companies to protect our national assets from that dirty word, ‘Profits’!

But, at least, it is only one of our utilities in trouble.

Can you imagine what would happen if there were also problems with the gas or the electric, or the trains or the Post Office…or heaven-forbid the NHS? Ooh, hang on a minute…