Dementia: We need to take care of carers

I READ with great interest the article by Abi Jackson (‘ The hidden victims of dementia’ M.E.N. Tuesday) and know just how accurate the article is.

I am myself, the 88-year-old sole carer of my 87-year-old wife who suffers from dementia. Exactly what type, we do not know, as she was in total denial that she had a problem and would not accept appointments from the memory clinic.

The greatest necessity for a carer is respite time, but to access this, the patient must agree to it, and in my case it was all part of the denial and she was not prepared to stay in with anyone, including our daughter.

Professional advice said that I must be hard and leave her with the carer. Unfortunately this is not the answer as my wife became seriously stressed.

She did not remember why she was upset but when trying to get her to bed, the stress continued and she would not settle, resulting in lost sleep for me, which doesn’t help my well being – all part of what your article was saying, the health of the carer is paramount. We have persevered with spending extra time with new people and started with managing to get out for half an hour to begin with, and now managing a two-hour spell twice a week.

This is progress indeed, and it is something that has to be worked on when someone who is so ‘clinging’ as my wife, who follows me like a shadow.

I would only say to anyone in a situation like myself, that you must persevere. It will improve. Name and address supplied, Sale