What’s really important to you over the festive period?
CHRISTMAS is a time for celebration and spending time with loved ones. However, the combination of different personalities, unrealistic expectations and overindulgence can create a melting pot in which underlying family conflicts emerge.
When you’re with your nearest and dearest this festive season, remember to be yourself. This might sound obvious, but it’s not necessarily an easy thing to do, especially when we’re around people who know how to push our buttons.
If you’re feeling tense or anxious, then use your values – what’s really important to you and what you want to stand for in life – to help guide your actions.
For example, if you value kindness, ask yourself “Am I being kind? Am I acting in line with my value of kindness?” and use that to help bring you back to being the person you want to be now, rather than allowing your behaviour to be dictated by other people’s actions and expectations.
Also consider how you respond to criticism. When criticism is constructive it is usually delivered with compassion and raises reasonable points with the aim of helping you in some way. By comparison, destructive criticism is often unfounded and aims to undermine or hurt you.
If the criticism you’re experiencing is destructive then remember this mantra: “It’s not me, it’s you.”
Remind yourself this stems from the other person’s insecurities and difficulties, not yours.
This can help you to relate to people who criticise needlessly from a more compassionate standpoint, which is a powerful tool for stopping destructive criticism from getting in your way.
Finally, keep track of the amount of alcohol you’re consuming.
Alcohol is often free flowing at this time of year and it can be tempting to turn to the nearest bottle to help you cope.
However, alcohol is a depressant and it lowers our inhibitions. At first this makes us feel good, but this can quickly lead to behaviours that are impulsive, reactive and out of character.
Drink sensibly at festive gatherings and you’ll be less likely to say or do something that you later regret.
Dr Ellie Harper is a counselling psychologist