Talking Heads
To help turn stats into action for the benefit of all men, we invited an illustrious panel of experts and first-hand victims of mental health issues to discuss our findings, offer their insights and pledge support
A survey of this size requires a panel with the ability to bring both personal experience and qualified insight to bear on its findings. Which is why we were keen to assemble a diverse yet notable group of great minds, comprising both those who have spoken openly about their own struggles and those who are working to effect meaningful change at the highest levels. The resulting conversation, hosted by our features editor Tom Ward, proved both moving and enlightening. You can watch the videos online at menshealth.co.uk/ talkingheads, or read more about our campaign at menshealth.co.uk/mendthe-gap. Join the conversation. MH Let’s start with the fact that 70% of men admit they are not living with high levels of positive mental health. Is this surprising?
BUCKLEY It’s not unsurprising. It’s a time of economic uncertainty, in which people are overworked or losing their jobs. What is interesting is that this is a malespecific response. When Mind asks these questions, it receives responses across both genders, so it is striking to see that it’s such a high level of men.
GREEN To read it on paper, it does look shocking – but I don’t talk to that many people who feel optimistic at the moment.
ASHWORTH As an MP, I see the effects that government cutbacks, difficulties getting decent housing and low-paid jobs have on people. The number of men who kill themselves is too high. It’s something that we as a society need to stand up against.
HATTON It’s important to talk. I was a boxer and world champion. I didn’t want to admit I was crying. I nearly did commit suicide. Now I’m all for people getting it off their chests. I’ve actually started doing speeches about mental health at functions and I get more of a sense of achievement talking about that side of it than talking about boxing. Everyone knows my boxing stories.
The MH Self-help Manifesto #1 Be honest with yourself about the way you are feeling. If you’re down, pinpoint what in your life exacerbates this and plan to lessen the impact within the next six months.
MH Continuing that thought, 56% of men say they have thought about suicide, which, considering national suicide statistics, isn’t a shock, sadly.
GORDON We know the biggest killer of young men in this country isn’t cars or cancer or drugs – it’s themselves. It can seem counterintuitive for men to speak out, but we need to talk about how it’s normal to sometimes feel weird. I’ve had suicidal thoughts. It shocks people, but we have to normalise the weirdness.
MH How can men manage these thoughts without acting on them?
BUCKLEY A lot of men know they need to ask for help, but taking that step is like jumping across a river – you could never do it. It’s about recognising that things aren’t going well for you and understanding how you’re behaving at the moment – is it normal for you? If not, why not? The earlier someone can ask for help, the better.
GREEN Also, “mental health problems” sounds so severe. But, often, it’s just about someone not being able to get themselves to a level of – not even happiness – just contentment. Not everyone is going to be happy all the time, but you shouldn’t be sad all the time, either.
BUCKLEY There is still a stigma around male mental health. Media depictions of what a man should be are fed to us early on. In the press, mental ill-health in men is associated with violence and anger, and that’s harmful.
HATTON In my experience, everyone thought I was this macho boxer and that I was OK. But it was just a smoke screen. When I went home, I was really struggling. You can’t do it on your own. If you’ve got a drinking problem, you go to an AA meeting – there needs to be somewhere for people battling mental health issues.
ASHWORTH That’s right. If you were physically injured, you wouldn’t be ashamed to go to the hospital to get fixed. There’s no shame in asking for help.
GORDON Wouldn’t you agree, as an MP, that it’s all very well asking for help, but if you go to hospital with a broken leg, they put a cast on you; if you go in with your head, they give you some pills and shove you on a waiting list for six months?
ASHWORTH Unfortunately, because of cuts, access to therapies is not as good as it should be. One of my jobs is to make the argument that if we’re serious about dealing with mental health, that means putting the investment in and delivering parity of esteem between mental health and physical health.
MH Since beginning our campaign last year, men seem more open about talking to their partners about their mental health, but don’t want to open up themselves. In fact, 77% of men whose partners feel down haven’t considered
speaking to anyone about their own mental health. Why not?
BUCKLEY The language surrounding mental health could change to make it easier for men to get their heads round. Rather than talking about your emotions, put the question to your friend in a practical way: “I’m worried I’m drinking too much. What sort of steps do you think I should take to address it?”
GREEN In some instances, if your friend isn’t suffering from anything similar, they can’t understand, which is when you’re met with, “Come on man, pull yourself together.” That’s not helpful, but you can’t hold it against someone if they haven’t been in that situation. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for help; all you’ve done is asked the wrong person.
ASHWORTH When I was growing up, my dad was an alcoholic. He was a workingclass man from Salford and didn’t want to ask for help. Alcohol was how he dealt with mental health pressures in his life. It’s not just about asking the individual to take responsibility for themselves, but asking where they can turn to.
HATTON My partner at the time only noticed I was unwell after my first defeat. I was a “Jack the Lad” who loved a pint with my mates and refused to seek help. She didn’t know how I would react if she told people I wasn’t the same man anymore. She had a bad time of it because the person she loved was ill and she didn’t know what to do.
MH A lot of people – 66% of men – told us they feel lonely, especially when socialising with friends, or even at work.
BUCKLEY This isn’t surprising. You can go out with your mates on Saturday and everyone will have their phone out rather than interacting. We know that if you’re feeling lonely, you are more likely to develop mental health problems.
HATTON I always felt lonely, but I was never alone. I had loads of mates. It just depended on what mood I woke up in. I still see a psychiatrist today for depression. We all have bad days.
MH We know that a lack of interest in everyday experiences is a sign of depression. Our survey found that 67% of men admit they never feel excited. Is this something that you can relate to?
GREEN Yes. I’d achieved most of what I wanted to and was aware that I should be over the moon, but inside I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t talk about it because I thought I’d seem ungrateful. And I wasn’t, I just couldn’t find happiness in anything. Now I’m much more self-aware. If I ever sense that feeling coming on, I know I need to make some changes in my life.
MH Stephen, as someone who works in mental health, what particularly stood out to you from our survey findings?
BUCKLEY It was really interesting to see
the number of men who said they were self- conscious about their bodies, and how many spoke about overeating. That’s traditionally something that we associate with women’s mental health. It’s not well understood in men, at all. I think the figure you’ve found should give us all pause for thought. I’d be interested in investigating that further; there’s very little credible research on it.
GORDON I think when it comes to issues such as that, men’s self- esteem is sort of written off. Men feeling badly about their bodies isn’t seen as being as important as a woman feeling funny about her figure, but it’s the same thing.
ASHWORTH Initiatives like this one are crucial, and there’s a responsibility on myself and other MPS to respond to the very serious needs we’ve identified. Government ministers have spoken about mental health provision being a burning injustice that needs to be put right. I don’t think they’re going far enough. But we are realising that all parties have neglected mental health and we need to do something about it.
MH What could someone do tomorrow to improve their mental health?
GORDON There’s this amazing guy called Chevy Rough. He’s a movement and mindfulness coach who suffers from depression and is very inspirational. Watch his videos on Instagram [@chasing19] and you’ll realise it’s totally fine to speak out. I also find running until I look like I’ve been caught in the glare of a nuclear bomb really helps me.
GREEN If I was speaking to a mate, I’d tell them to consciously make better decisions. Building a routine into your life can help. I know that if I go to bed at a decent time, I’ll wake up and exercise and eat properly – and I’ll feel 100 times better. It sounds obvious, but it makes such a difference.
ASHWORTH I think we should ban the words, “Just pull yourself together.” It’s the worst piece of advice in the history of the English language. We have to get rid of this casual dismissal of people’s concerns and encourage them to talk.
HATTON You need to admit that you have a problem. Swallow the ego, or the macho front, and just come out and say it.