“My mental health went downhill. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital”
Jonny Benjamin MBE, mental health campaigner with a diagnosis of schizophrenia
I haven’t had COVID, but it has still had a big impact on my life. I have schizoaffective disorder – a type of schizophrenia. I have a psychiatrist who helps to monitor my mental state and provides support. In the past, I’ve become very unwell. I have been psychotic, heard voices and tried to kill myself. But I was happy and stable for a long time before the pandemic hit.
At the beginning of lockdown, things were alright. I actually quite liked being indoors and on my own. I live alone, and I was managing well. I was looking after myself. But then things started to change as the months went on. I looked after myself less. I found it hard to switch off from work. Things started to feel very intense. I started to get really bad anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.
I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. I had to have my medication increased, but hospital wasn’t a therapeutic experience, because COVID meant that the patients had to stay in their rooms all day. I still felt incredibly isolated. Even group therapy was done over Zoom, sitting in your room. I couldn’t get used to it. It was really tough, and I really struggled in there, whereas in the past, being in hospital has helped.
I’m now staying with my family for a bit. I worry about those with underlying mental health problems who don’t have the kind of support to fall back on that I do. I know so many people whose mental health teams haven’t been able to see them during the pandemic and who have been left to their own devices and really struggled. The isolation is unbearable. They are lost. Stuck. People don’t know what’s going on, and that just makes everything worse. The idea of another lockdown fills me with dread. It terrifies me.