THE MIDDLE MEN
We surveyed hundreds of men aged 37 – the average age of our readers – to find out how you train, eat, think and feel
As a rule, Men’s Health likes to help its readers punch above the average. But sometimes it helps to have a benchmark, and 2021 seems like a good time to take stock. For this issue, we surveyed hundreds of men aged 37 – the median age of our readers – to find out what ambitions, beliefs and anxieties define us today, and to help prepare you for tomorrow
If you came across the phrase “middle-aged man”, who would you think of? Someone who is 56? Or 48? Perhaps 53? Would it evoke power, prestige, predictability? Kids, mortgage, golf clubs, opinions on the M4’s service stations? Alan Partridge? Alan Shearer? Just the name Alan?
None of this would be surprising. The term “middle age” is generally taken to mean somewhere between the milestones of 45 and 60. Crisis convertibles. Sports-casual attire. But I’m afraid, Alan, the demographics tell a different story. The average male life expectancy in the UK is 80. If we divide life into three sections – beginning, middle and end – then the middle part begins a few months shy of your 27th birthday (just as your brain reaches full development) and ends soon after you turn 52. The average Men’s Health reader lies very near the inflection point of 37. This is the fulcrum of your life, the apex, the summit, the pivot – but also, and I speak from recent experience, the hardest part.
What was I doing when I was 37? Still not loving golf, that’s for sure. Imagine having the time!
No, I had recently arrived back from a year in Los Angeles, feeling more worldly, more capable and frankly more sexy than I ever had before. I was discerning and even-tempered compared to my younger self – and kinder, too, taking great pride in being an exemplary father and husband. Only none of this seemed to count for as much as I thought it would. I spent most of that year living in a spare room of a relative’s house with no regular income, a wife and a child to support and a feeling that things had spiralled out of control.
A lot of this was bad luck – the sort that makes you wonder if all of your prior achievements were,
in reality, merely good luck. My wife, son and I had recently moved to Bristol, which was intended as a step in the vague direction of middle-aged ease. Yet we found ourselves in a dire housing situation, unable to sell our London flat due to a series of boring grown-up calamities but evicted from the place we had rented in Bristol due to a mean landlady. I had also lost a work contract, so my earnings were going in the wrong direction. I didn’t have any close friends in this new city. And our cramped living situation caused a huge strain on the family life that I had taken such pride in.
In many ways, I am proud of how I coped with all of this: optimistically, purposefully, doggedly. I did a hell of a lot of swimming. I found new friends. I dealt with all the adult crap. But I also did that thing that so many men do. I bottled it all up, tried to be the stable one, minimised the problems to the point of denying them – which didn’t make them go away.
But this is middle-age. In our poll, 77% of Men’s Health readers told us that they feel “pretty good” or “great” about being 37, while 57% of you feel that your best days are ahead. Yet 60% of men chose “stressed”, “lonely” or “indifferent” as their dominant mood. A lot of this is linked to finances: 61% of you don’t feel financially stable and 55% find your job unfulfilling. And a lot is linked to physical health: 60% aren’t as fit as you want to be.
This is far from the plateau of security and contentment that many of us imagined this period of our lives would be. But for me, the reality of middle age is somewhere in the middle of all of these things. You might feel “upbeat” or “stressed” – but you probably feel a bit of both at the same time. You might feel that better things are to come, but maybe you’ve also accrued enough life wisdom to mistrust quick fixes, too. You might be dismayed to learn that two beers now give you a monstrous hangover. But you’re secure enough to sometimes say: “A mineral water for me, thanks!”
That you’re reading this is proof that you want to improve things, both for yourself and the world. Who wants to plateau anyway? It’s near-certain that the first half of your life has given you the resources and wisdom to do so, if you put your mind and body to it. Then you might discover that you can get through the crap. You can make things more secure, and relationships more rewarding. You don’t like golf, but you punch the air when Adam Frost is presenting a bit of Gardeners’ World. Going to the recycling centre is a joyous experience. You love romping around the park with your nieces and nephews. You realise that your achievements so far do count for something. Quite a lot, actually.
And the best motorway services on the M4 are clearly Membury.