In the End, I Refused to Lie

In 2017, Maxim Lapunov was arrested and tortured for being gay. Unlike many of the other men and women in Chechnya’s Anti-Gay Purge, Lapunov went public with his story, suing the Russian government. His story is chronicled in the documentary Welcome to Chechnya. Today, he and his boyfriend live in hiding.

The question of honesty is complicated for me. I am very religious and have always believed in honesty and justice. But I have – and my family has – suffered greatly for this honesty. I came out with my boyfriend to my family seven years ago in Russia. Our mothers took it OK. Our siblings less so. What brought us together was physical

labour. We have dacha gardens where we’d work together, side by side. Gradually, they grew to accept us.

I was picked up by Chechen police four years ago in the middle of the Anti-Gay Purge. Hundreds of queer folk were arrested and tortured – I was for 12 days – and some killed. I signed a blank confession and promised to remain silent. But I couldn’t. I worked with Russian lawyers to prove that

I was an honest man and that what

I said happened to me had happened. But the Russian law was dishonest with me. My name appeared on a hit list with a reward for my death. I knew I wasn’t safe and went into hiding.

Ideally, I want those responsible, who are still in power, to be called to account for their crimes. But even if they’re not, it was worth it. Since the film came out, I’ve heard from many queer friends in Russia who have said how proud they are of me. This is important, for it means they are no longer scared of being who they truly are.