Reset Your IRL Relationships

Maybe there was a colleague you competed with, or perhaps a virtual feud developed over the past year. The good news is, this kind of shift back to work hasn’t been done before.

Think of it as your once-ina-job do-over. Here’s how to make difficult people your new allies

01 The Super Socialiser

These extroverts love small talk and gossip and get energy from interacting.

Why they annoy you: For some people, too much chatter can be draining if you feel your space is being invaded, says psychiatrist Tracey Marks.

Just remember: Super socialisers may be extra revved up right now because they’ve missed contact. ‘Tolerating that irritation is a healthy skill to hone,’ says clinical psychologist Paul Greene, in part because you set new limits. How to reset:

Say, ‘It’s great to see you, but

I really have to get back to work.

Thanks for stopping by,’ says therapist Nick Bognar.

02 The Try-Hard

They show up early, stay late and love to point out how much harder they work. Why they annoy you:

When other people set high and potentially unhealthy expectations for themselves, you might feel pressure to do the same, says clinical neuropsychologist Judy Ho.

Just remember: Try-hards rely on external validation to compensate for low self-esteem, says Ho. Now, more than ever, they want to show they can perform.

How to reset: Saying,

‘I can’t be there for my family if I stay as late as you’ may help them see they’re being unfair, says clinical psychologist Carla Manly.

03 The Sensory Overload

They microwave fish for lunch, clip their nails at their desk and talk super loud. Why they annoy you:

They may have a sense of entitlement making it difficult for them to consider how their actions affect others, says Manly.

Just remember: They may simply be oblivious to how their actions affect others.

How to reset: Ask if they’d mind not doing the offensive activity. If they refuse, adapt. You can go out for lunch or to a common area. Protect yourself rather than try to fix someone else’s behaviour.

04 The Curmudgeon

They are grumpy complainers and their latest gripe is being ‘forced’ to come back to the office.

Why they annoy you:

Someone sharing excessive negative energy can be completely exhausting.

Just remember: While you may empathise with their frustrations, don’t let them drag you down.

How to reset: Whatever the issue, just ask, ‘Do you want some suggestions or are you just venting?’ If they keep on, acknowledge their feelings before exiting the conversation. ‘I hear you, but I have to get back to work.’

05 The HappyHour Liability

They have a few drinks and all hell breaks loose.

Why they annoy you: : Obviously, seeing colleagues lose control – and the appropriate workplace filter disappear – can get uncomfortable, says Bognar.

Just remember: People tend to drink at the pace of those they’re around; they also tend to drink because they’re insecure or uncomfortable.

How to reset: Trying to help a drunk colleague – especially a boss – can become awkward quickly, and it might not be in your best interest to get involved, says Bognar. Talk privately and tell them they’ve probably had too much and should switch to water, or just go home.