Disaster Management

Your thirties can be a volatile time for careers and relationships. This is your survival guide

to making lighter work of major upheavals

01/ YOU GOT SACKED

Out of a job? So was Steve Jobs at one point in his thirties. ‘You’re not the first person this has happened to. Realising that can normalise your experience,’ says Geoff Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work.

OWN YOUR ROLE: Blaming others will only work for so long, says clinical psychologist Stephan Poulter. Recognise your part and you might figure out what you want (a more engaging gig, say), what you were disappointed with (the lack of responsibility) or what your unspoken expectations were (more flexible hours). ‘Self-reflection becomes a compass, helping you move forwards,’ Dr Poulter says.

PLAN YOUR NEXT MOVE: It’s easier to find a new job when you’re employed. So, network strategically once you’re working again. Seek out interviews, meet with mentors and know how your field is evolving – and if your skills are, too.

02/ YOU GOT DIVORCED

First marriages that don’t work out often end in the thirties. The changes can take from six to 12 months to process, says Dr Poulter. So, let the dust settle, then use these strategies to saddle up again. WRITE A NEW STORY: ‘People going through separation often struggle to manage their stress,’ says psychology professor David Sbarra. It’s fine to analyse the causes (‘Is there a pattern in my relationships?’), but move away from the narrative that ‘everything is terrible’. Reach out to friends in similar situations, as well as those who are happily married, suggests Professor Greif. Talk to people, listen and create a new road map. EMBRACE YOUR CORE VALUES: Doing enjoyable activities with people you genuinely like reaffirms who you are and what makes you happy. It’s a chance to do all the stuff you wanted to but couldn’t in your former situation.

03/ YOU MESSED UP

Whether you crossed the line with a co-worker or made a tone-deaf joke in a meeting, you need to address the issue. APOLOGISE PROPERLY: So, you feel humiliated… but this isn’t about you. Acknowledge the impact of your actions. Psychotherapist Avi Klein advises letting the other person decide how they will or won’t interact with you in future. It’s respectful and it gives them the agency you denied them – important for levelling out any power imbalances.

DECIDE HOW TO MAKE AMENDS: Take the problem seriously. Tell people you’ll answer any questions. It’s up to you to start difficult conversations and make those around you feel comfortable enough to share their concerns.