ASK JURGEN
DEAR JURGEN
Who did you vote for in the elections, then?
DOMINI BRIDGE
Jurgen says: As it happens,
Nils and I were interrupted by a canvasser just the last week during a session of Age Of War where, after some initial resistance, he had just breached my inner sanctum. Everyone knows that the issue of child welfare is close to my heart, so I asked him if he would allow parents to leave their newborn to fend for themselves in the wilds and prove their suitability to society. After a few moments of consideration, he agreed that this was a splendid idea, so I resolved myself to vote for the party in blue. However, I found out to my cost that I cannot vote in your elections after I realised that my polling station was the Blackheath & Charlton Baptist Church, decided to kill two of your birds with one can of paraffin, a small rag and a box of cooking matches, and was eventually overwhelmed by three octogenarians and a Bichon Frise. Aiiieee!!!
DEAR JURGEN
Can you recommend any good salad recipes for this glorious summer?
RHIAD JONEs
Jurgen says: My tastes often turn towards the exotic, so when I came across a recipe for a Turkish Bulgar Salad, something about it spoke to me. Nils’s palate, on the other hand, needs no small amount of training, but nevertheless he was very excited when I invited him over to taste my specimen. I admit, I supped a little too much Alleanza Nero di Wongraven during the preparation but my guest was a little put out when instead of my creation being topped off with a heaving cucumber and lashings of salad cream, I was only able to present a small gherkin.
DEAR JURGEN
What’s your favourite
MCU film?
JOE sHELLIm
Jurgen says: AIIIEEEE!!! Listen up, British batterer of the otter, before I stick a bag’s worth of half-sucked Werther’s Originals up your ass, force-feed you a four-pack of Morrisons baked beans and watch from a safe distance. It is of course impossible, with your modern production techniques, to produce the true, unholy atmosphere of the early material, so I would have to go back to the beginning and say the only movie worthy of the crown is Howard The Duck. Yes, it cost more than Return Of
The Jedi to make, but very few people know that Duckworld, with its twin constellations, was a direct inspiration for both Duckthrone’s hugely ambitious double-gatefold black metal opera, Under The Funeral Moons, and the cult French Rusty Nutsy speed metal demo, Duck: The World.
DEAR JURGEN
Who’s the most metal Simpsons background character?
DEAD FLANDERs
Jurgen says: As attractive as I found the school bus driver, Dot O’Man, who would not raise a fist at the sight of the furious red Willie getting in someone’s face?