“We’ve wiped our ass with this planet!”

HERE’S WHAT THE GREAT BIG MOUTH WOULD CHANGE IF HE WAS REALLY IN THE OVAL OFFICE

How would you behave if you were President?

“I would be way more bipartisan than all these other fucking leaders and not allow them to get away with shit like filibuster or party politics. That’d be my reason to run – to walk the aisle, not cross it, and try to get people together.”

who would Play your inauguration?

“Prophets Of Rage, and I’d make sure that Tom [Morello] got to make a speech to keep me right.”

How would you redecorate the white House?

“I’ve never been, but I’m sure it’s one of those places where you can feel the history – put yourself in the mindset that for over 200 years, people who’ve shaped policy and history have walked these halls. I wouldn’t fuck with that, because I have a great respect for history.”

what would you change the national anthem to?

“I’d change the version we listen to, probably to the Hendrix version. Or depending on the event, the Whitney version, because it’s pretty rousing.”

what would you choose for your Presidential Pet?

“I’d have a big fluffy dog like a golden retriever or a black lab – something big and goofy that I can go out on the South Lawn and roll around with.”

what would be the first thing you spent your budget on?

“I’d look into the corruption of state funding. In every state I’ve been to, there are two areas where that budget gets gutted: clean water and education. The fact that we’ve been bullshitted into drinking bottled water is horse shit, when money is allocated from the government. And with education, schools are closing all over the place and I know that money is being allocated.”

if you could send one celebrity into the sun, who would it be?

“Rachel Dolezal – the girl who pretended to be black who was head of the [Spokane chapter of the] National Association For The Advancement Of Colored People.

She said she identifies as a black person. I identify as a Martian – that doesn’t mean I’m fucking from there!”

Would you Try To explore space?

“Absolutely! We have wiped our ass with this planet. Climate change is a real threat. Exploring space will expand people’s minds – or at least shut people up who have tiny minds.”