HOARD ALMIGHTY

Box sets, underground oddities and all the essential merch you need this month

HELLOWEEN Starlight: The Noise Records Collection

NOISE

£105.17-£116.99

If you’re lookIng for the huge, beating heart of power metal, all that blood coursing in your ears will ultimately lead you Germany’s Helloween. Their twin album whammy, 1987’s Keeper Of The Seven Keys Pt. I and the following year’s Keeper Of The Seven Keys Pt. II stand as founding documents for the movement and they’re part of this well-timed box set – available from a range of sellers - containing all the releases from their time on Noise Records. Inside you’ll find the Keeper… albums on translucent purple and silver vinyl, alongside debut album Walls Of Jericho on orange vinyl, the Halloween EP on red and a double album of EP rarities in blue and green. There’s a pumpkin logo slipmat and band poster, too - it’s all enough to make a hero out of any hunter of the high-pitched!

https://helloween.lnk.to/starlight

ROCK ON HEADPHONES STAND

£13.99

Sometimes you just need affirmation that you’re OK, and that everything is OK.

Clearly Buddy Christ won’t do, so what better desktop friend could you have than a big hand throwing horns? And it will hold your headphones and earphones, too. Bonus!

http://tinyurl.com/rock-on-stand

BEHEMOTH T-SHIRT

£16.99

Celebrate the return of Behemoth and redefine the term ‘millennial’ as Lucifer’s badass legion set to rule over the common herd by donning this striking t-shirt, complete with backprint announcing the next world’s new lord and master.

http://tinyurl.com/behemoth-tee

HORROR MOVIE PRINT SET

£26.40

Walls, eh?! Boring, aren’t they?! Not scary at all! Give your dull old walls a macabre makeover with these six handmade prints of some of horror’s most instantly recognisable characters. Featuring everyone from Freddy Krueger to Hannibal Lecter.

http://tinyurl.com/horror-prints

BUT AFTER THE GIG…

£10

From the creator of d-beat, Discharge man Tezz Roberts, this is a true rollercoaster read that follows him from legendary band to legendary band (Discharge, UK Subs, Ministry, etc). and fucking things up in the most colossal ways possible. Brilliant!

http://tinyurl.com/but-after-the-gig

MOURNING BLEND COFFEE

£14.50

Dead Sled Coffee is the latest venture from Misfits guitarist and former Murderdoll

Acey Slade. The microbrand’s flagship caramel-flavoured brew is made from freshly roasted South American beans and is best enjoyed black (like your soul) in one of their matching mugs.

http://tinyurl.com/mourning-blend

BAPHOMET DOOR KNOCKER

£22.99

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Transform your hovel into a forbidden gateway with this resin door knocker lovingly crafted to resemble one of metal’s best-known symbols. This horned deity has even been given a weathered appearance for added cool.

http://tinyurl.com/baphomet-knocks

BLACK LAGOON MODEL KIT

£38.89

Usually model-making kits are of trains and planes and other things that us horror fans would have no interest in at all. So, shout out Moebius for making this excellent Creature

From The Black Lagoon model.

http://tinyurl.com/lagoon-model

TENTACLE DECANTER SET

£119.99

Release the kraken with Nemesis Now’s super-deluxe tentacle decanter and shot glass set. This steampunk-inspired piece will take you 20,000 leagues under the sea, protect your rum from any wandering suckers and look amazingly cool at the same time!

http://tinyurl.com/tentacle-drinks

AMON AMARTH T-SHIRT

£24.99-£29.99

Nothing says “I love Vikings… and possibly a little too much” like having a huge and rather phallic-looking warrior standing proud above your waistline. Pressed, perhaps aptly, on distressed olive, it will help you rise to any occasion.

http://tinyurl.com/amarth-tee

CHTHONIC T-SHIRT

£15.99

Juggling supremo, a well-dressed suitor for Shiva, or malevolent Hindu nature spirit? Whoever it is that graces this new shirt announcing Taiwan’s epic metallers, Chthonic’s, new album, he’s clearly not to be fucked with.

http://tinyurl.com/chthonic-tee

KORN KOFFEE AND MUG

£19

Not to be outdone by Acey Slade, the boys from Bakersfield have personally curated their own brew, too. A dark roast (obviously), Wake The F Up! Korn Koffee is a smooth mix of African and South American beans, comes with a metallic mug and has enough kick to get you jabbering scat vocals in an instant.

http://tinyurl.com/korn-koffee

OBLIVION COFFEE TABLE

£199.99

It may be pricey but this skull coffee table is cool as fuck! Measuring 65cm, the solid piece has an easy-to-clean glass topper that shows off the silvery design at its best. Wondering where you’d put your feet? Petty mortal!

http://tinyurl.com/skull-table