DID JAMES HETFIELD GO TONE DEAF?

And other monthly mus­ings from the Metal Ham­mer fam­ily

Metal Hammer (UK) - - Letters -

MORE LIKE YAY-ER

There was like 500 pages of Slayer in your last is­sue and it still wasn’t enough. I even made it onto the fan cover. So happy right now! Thank you, Ham­mer dudes! I haven’t even started the book yet.

Leiah Brody (email)

We thought of adding an­other five pages that just said SLAAAAAYEEEERRRRR! over and over but de­cided that would be a) ex­ces­sive and b) a waste of pa­per be­cause ultimately sav­ing the environment is metal.

MORE LIKE NAY-ER

I like Slayer as much as the next guy but is 30 pages not a lit­tle ex­ces­sive? Plus, we all know they will be back in five years any­way. They al­ways are.

Ed Cop­ers (email)

Look, we’ll prob­a­bly never get to do a Slayer cover again, so we went all-out. Plus, come on, it’s fuckin’ Slayer. Also, you’re wrong be­cause they’ll ac­tu­ally be back in five months for Down­load fest so there.

SPEED OF FRIGHT

Just watched the episode of Metal Ham­mer TV, looks great! Was slightly weird for me, how­ever, as I nor­mally lis­ten to the pod­cast at around 1.8x speed so I wasn’t used to your voices at nor­mal speed. Mark Baker (Face­book) Thanks, Mark, that’s very kind of you and we were to­tally re­laxed film­ing a TV pi­lot and didn’t shit our­selves in­side out the sec­ond our direc­tor yelled acti-hold on, why are you lis­ten­ing to us at 1.8x speed?! Are you The Flash? Is that how The Flash works? We gave up car­ing af­ter Jus­tice League.

WOO YEAR!

So in the first few weeks of 2019 we have Park­way Drive head­lin­ing Ally Pally and Ar­chi­tects do­ing fuck­ing Wem­b­ley? Surely this is the year metal’s next gen­er­a­tion take over?

Bradley Ran­nings (email)

The revo­lu­tion will not be tele­vised, ladies and gen­tle­men. It’ll be a bunch of sweaty moth­er­fuck­ers in met­al­core t-shirts tear­ing the roof off are­nas, and it’ll be sweeeeeeet.

(N)ONE

I’m fa­mil­iar with the story be­hind One, but I was so dis­ap­pointed when I first heard this song (and the en­tire al­bum for that mat­ter). Most tune­less bal­lad ever. Had James sud­denly gone tone deaf?

Gry Sharp

Wh… how can you… whe... bu... we hon­estly thought we’d heard ev­ery hot Me­tal­lica take imag­in­able but fair play, Gry, you’ve just out­done the lot. Leave the hall.

POSTERS WITH THE MOST…ERS

Can we have more posters, please? No shitty boy band promo shots, though – we want good al­bum art. How about a death metal art set? For the real met­al­heads.

Ryan Leith (email)

Well, we just had to tear up our Blood On The Dance Floor poster mega-pack be­cause of this email, so thanks, Ryan. Thanks a lot. Yeah, that’s right, we made

a Blood On The Dance Floor ref­er­ence. We re­mem­ber 2012.

STRING WHEN YOU’RE WIN­NING

Ear­lier this week I saw Gary Nu­man per­form with an or­ches­tra. I wish I went to the Al­ter Bridge show with one, so my ques­tion is, what other bands should give their mu­sic the or­ches­tral treatment?

Chris Lloyd (Face­book) Hate­beak.

BIG HANG THE­ORY

‘Hang­man’s Chair?’ Why does a hang­man have his own spe­cific chair? A hang­man has a rope, or gal­lows. All he has to do is pull a leaver, and he wants to sit down to do it? I bet he’s told his em­ployer he has a back con­di­tion. Got a doc­tor’s note and ev­ery­thing. Maybe it’s a de­com­mis­sioned elec­tric chair that was knock­ing around the ex­e­cu­tion de­part­ment. I guess it makes an in­ter­est­ing con­ver­sa­tion point for the poor soul on his way to the gal­lows to be hanged by a man who can’t be both­ered to stand up.

Raven O’mara (Face­book)

Look, we don’t pick the band names, take it up with Hang­man’s Chair. Je­sus.

BRING ME THE RIFFS

All the new BMTH fans don’t even know their old songs when they play them. Only the real OG fans are bang­ing their heads. It’s sad to see 80% of peo­ple con­fused with the death­core. Man I wish BMTH would go back to their heavy days.

Bryce Plez (Face­book)

Hon­estly, there are plenty days we do too. We liked that song with the sax on the last al­bum though. That, as the kids ap­par­ently say, slapped.

the het laUGhS at YoUr SUBorDINaNceto­WarDS oNe

Bmth: are you even a fan if you don’t know all the words to TellSlater Not to Wash His Dick?

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