HOARD ALMIGHTY

Box sets, underground oddities and all the essential merch you need this month

KREATOR UNDER THE GUILLOTINE: THE NOISE RECORDS YEARS NOISE

£112/£150

NOT JUST ONE of the greatest and unruliest bands to have emerged from the 80s thrash era, Kreator were also one of the inspirations for Norway’s black metal scene. Now the Essen, Germany maniacs are celebrating their seminal six-album run with Noise Records with a glorious box set. Alongside the albums – Endless Pain, Pleasure To Kill, Terrible Certainty, Extreme Aggression, Coma Of Souls and Renewal – in radioactively hued vinyl, the blade-lidded box also includes the Some Pain Will Last DVD, featuring a mini-documentary, two unreleased audio live sets and more, a 40-page hardback book, a repro demo cassette and MP3 audio of all the albums with bonus tracks on a USB drive in the form of Kreator’s Demon mascot. The first 250 orders from the Noise site also contain an art card signed by Mille Petrozza, guaranteeing it’ll be the first thing you reach for when the apocalypse hits. https://tinyurl.com/guillotine-kreator https://tinyurl.com/guillotine-noise

NOISE DAMAGE

£8.15

History, it’s said, is written by the winners, but this insightful, candid autobiography from Kyshera’s James Kennedy suggests otherwise. A journey through disillusion, the machinations of the music industry and hard-won selfacceptance, it’s required, revelatory reading. https://tinyurl.com/noise-damage

TRIBULATION T-SHIRT

£16

Embrace, as Tribulation have done, your inner goth with a shirt acknowledging the fragile beauty of the rose, and the inevitability that even the finest bloom will wither, die and rot. Like love, sweet darling! Like love! https://tinyurl.com/tee-bulation

PARADISE LOST HOT SAUCE

£15.49

Yorkshire’s not known for its spice but sod it – hot sauce sells better than gravy. Halifax’s glummest exports are celebrating the 25th anniversary of Draconian Times with this medium-heat, garlic-based drizzle - get doomy and gobble up. https://tinyurl.com/dragonian-times

LORD OF THE RINGS COAT

£138.99

Wrap up warm and stay in good ’elf with this lovely winter jacket, which is nattily cut and emblazoned with a swish ‘Tree Of Gondor’ motif. Pointy ears and wistful, faraway look sold separately! https://tinyurl.com/gondor-coat

ATTILA’S LIFE ETERNAL CBD OIL

£31

Of course Mayhem’s Attila Csihar has his own CBD oil. Get your claws on 10ml of the stuff (containing 6.66% CBD, of course) as well as all sorts of accoutrements. Face masks, tote bags, t-shirts - a thong, probably. https://attilaslifeeternal.store

DARKWAVE TRAPPER HAT

£22.99

Keep those ears/devil horns toasty with Killstar’s dashing Darkwave trapper hat, tastefully detailed with the scowling face of Baphomet. Rest assured the hat is made from fake-fur, and that no goat-headed demons were harmed in its manufacture. https://tinyurl.com/darkwave-hat

MEMENTO MORI WATCH

£175

The Camden Watch Company have crafted this leathery, Victorian-style number to remind you that yes, you will die, so why not make the most of life and splash out on a nice little timepiece? https://tinyurl.com/memento-watch

EXODUS BEANIE

£21.50

Thrash never dies, even if your hair follicles do. Whether you’re hiding a bald spot or wrapping up for the eternal winter, know that some of the Bay Area’s best have your back. Well, your head. https://tinyurl.com/exodus-hat

ARCHITECTS BUNDLE

£42.99

Feeling a bit lost without the forthcoming Architects album to shake a carefully coiffured fringe to? Get your bearings with this weird compass-sporting longsleeve announcing For Those That Wish To Exist, bundled with a bold, blue double LP. https://tinyurl.com/exist-bundle

WARDRUNA KVITRAFN CANDLE

£20

Let Wardruna transport you to their beloved Norwegian landscape with this eco-friendly candle scented with pine, thyme and bergamot – albeit made in Scotland, where they clearly hold no historic grudges. https://tinyurl.com/wardruna-candle

BLACK MASS RUG

£19.99

This tasteful Satanic rug is both practical and functional – bodily fluids can easily be scrubbed from the pitch-black polyester, while its non-slip design will ensure your audience with The Infernal One won’t be premature. https://tinyurl.com/blackmass-rug

FINNISH DEATH METAL BOOK

£23

Scene veterans Markus Makkonen and Kim Strömsholm document the lineage of Finnish death metal, from its thrash-inspired origins to its uniquely cavernous and melancholy 1990s heyday, and on through its exciting creative resurgence over the last decade. https://tinyurl.com/rotting-ways