Do I gamble on island love?

I’M A 30-year-old independent woman who moved here for love from Poland four years ago but the relationship was toxic so I jumped to another man to feel safe, which was another bad decision. Now I’m finally happy with my small, safe world. I recently went to Greece and met someone. We had an incredible connection but he will never leave his island. His family, job, dog and heart are all there – but what if I move for him and it’s another trap? I don’t want to lose him: no one has ever made me feel this special. I feel trapped inside my mind. What is your advice?

YOU’VE been betting high on risky cards and you’ve been losing.

‘So your next strategy? Bet high all over again,’ says James McConnachie. ‘The stakes are so high this time – you’re betting with your home, your work, your security, ultimately with your whole life.’

Don’t get us wrong, we can see the appeal. ‘I often think about starting a new life with a gorgeous hunk on a Greek island,’ says Rupert Smith. ‘But it’s unrealistic with someone you’ve just met, entirely on his terms, where you will have no support network.’

It’s thrilling to experience a new connection, to expose your emotions and escape yourself for a wonderful moment, but what you’re feeling is emotional intoxication. ‘Emotional surges are not love,’ says McConnachie, ‘and a real relationship requires you to be yourself, not run from yourself.’

If you are to find the relationship you deserve, you must change this narrative you’ve created of being trapped. You are only trapped if you convince yourself you are.

‘See yourself as someone who’s resilient, free, learning and growing,’ says Dr Angharad Rudkin. ‘You clearly have a lot of love to give and attract men easily but, as you’re discovering, this mix can make it harder in many ways to really identify what you want and what works.’

It sounds like your needs were not a priority in your past two relationships and are happy to surrender them again.

‘Spend time getting to know each another from a distance and enjoy travelling to each other,’ says Rudkin.

If he is someone who can genuinely love and care for you, you will eventually come to a resolution.

‘It sounds as if you’re spontaneous and open with him,’ says Smith. ‘Take these qualities into your real life.’

‘By rethinking your whole emotional strategy,’ adds McConnachie, ‘you will start thinking like an investor, not a reckless gambler.’

Send your dilemmas to lisa.scott@metro.co.uk