SIXTY SECONDS
THE ACTRESS, 62, ON STRICTLY, DIET MILKSHAKES AND HER LOCKDOWN THEATRE SHOW, BEING PERFORMED LIVE VIA ZOOM
How are you managing to perform under lockdown?
I’d never Zoomed before. Everybody was talking about Zoom and I thought, ‘Oh, I can’t bear it!’ But the team behind Red Dwarf assembled a little company of wonderful actors, including Robert Lindsay, Ruby Wax, Felicity Montagu, Iwan Rheon, Hattie Hayridge and special guest Martin Kemp, for a quarantine Zoom show so I finally plucked up the courage and we put on a play called Events & Moments. It was a joy.
How was the response?
You can see the chat from the people watching it live, although I turned mine off in case they said I was bad! But hopefully they enjoyed it and it’s not just for the narcissism of the actors. Most of us have watched everything on Netflix and people are bursting for new stuff – and, of course, what they loved was seeing all these different actors in our homes doing bizarre things. You register for tickets with the Red Dwarf website. You don’t have to pay to watch but the performance raised more than £1,500 in donations for the NHS.
What’s the next show?
It goes out on Sunday and it’s called Cruel Aliens. It’s written by Rob Grant from Red Dwarf. It’s sci-fi and set in a suburban street in the future but it’s basically a domestic family row. Robert Lindsay plays a husband who is under the thumb of his terrible wife, Bacteria, which is me. She gives him a list of jobs, such as making a conservatory and digging an underground swimming pool. She then decides she’s going to divorce him so the kids call him Previous Dad. It’s very funny.
Did anything go wrong first time round?
There was a heavenly moment where a phone rang right in the middle of it. I immediately thought it was me but then an answerphone kicked in and a voice went, ‘Hi Ruby, this is Andrew from ITV.’ Ruby Wax’s husband was in another room and he shouted, ‘Ruby, switch the answer machine off!’ Well, the public absolutely adored it!
How’s lockdown been?
It’s been hard. I’m in London and my partner is in New York so we got locked down separately. The Skypes and FaceTimes are one thing but it’s not enough. I can get through the day-today – I do my pilates online and go for a walk and have Zoom cocktails and parties in the evening. But if I think about the future I then become incredibly depressed because I just don’t see how we’re going to recover from this anytime soon.
Actors on stage kiss and touch each other and we tend to sweat and froth at the mouth, it’s the job
Are you eating and drinking too much, like the rest of us?
Yes, so much so that I got some of those diet shakes because the lockdown pounds I’d gained were making me more miserable! I hit the wine early on – for the first two weeks I was drinking virtually every night – but I’ve now laid off that because it was making me feel more anxious.
You’re pretty active on Twitter.
It’s fun. The other day I put up a daft picture of my food and Britt Ekland got in touch and we chatted away. That’s one of the lovely things about it. How on earth would I have met Britt if it wasn’t for Twitter?
What about the trolls?
I am opinionated and I do have strong political views so I kind of have to take it.
You’re a big fan of Strictly. Would you ever compete? Are you worried about the future of the theatre industry?
A lot of us are in despair. I think theatres will be the very last thing to unlock. Even if the government say we can open, there will be difficulties. People won’t want to sit in an enclosed space with hundreds of strangers. Also, actors are close to each other on stage. We touch and kiss each other and we tend to sweat and spit – you froth at the mouth when you’re emotional, that’s the job!
Are you living off your savings?
Yes. I’m lucky that I finished a documentary last week and some residual fees come in but if it continues for the whole year I’ll be in trouble. However, I’m hardly spending anything. My bank statement used to say: ‘The Ivy Club, The Groucho, Uber, Uber, Uber…’ Now it just goes:
‘Waitrose, Tesco, Amazon!’
Craig.
. Revel Horwood.
I love Strictly Come Dancing but you would be tripping over my dead body before I would ever do it. I used to be great friends with Craig Revel Horwood and he’d always say, ‘Oh, come on, darling, you can do it,’ but I genuinely can’t. I was once asked to be on Dancing On Ice. Imagine! I very wisely said no.
What should you be doing now?
I should be in rehearsals for new play The Unfriend by Steven Moffat. We were due to open in Chichester in July then hopefully go to the West End but it’s been put back.
What’s the first thing you’ll do once this is over?
Have a swim. I used to go three times a week. I’ve got those underwater headphones so I can learn scripts and listen to music. It keeps me sane. Then I’ll go to the pub and just get trashed!
To donate and see the next Lockdown Theatre at 2pm on Sunday see reddwarf.co.uk