SIXTY SECONDS
THE ACTOR, 56, ON TICKLING PIGS, WHO HE SECRETLY WANTED TO BE IN GAME OF THRONES AND HOW HE BECAME A SWAN
Your new movie, The Uncertain Kingdom, is a collection of short films. Your one is… unusual.
Yes, it’s called Swan. I play a man who is a bit disgruntled that immigrants are having to take citizenship tests and thinks he’ll try his hand at it. He passes and so he goes on to take and pass the advanced citizenship test that means he will be transformed into a swan.
A swan?
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Yes. It’s kind of an off-kilter look at Brexit and the craziness. It amused me and it was a lot of fun to do.
What other animal would you like to be?
A cat. We have several of them and none of them gives a s***, which is quite nice. They’re not reliant on anybody. You could have looked after a cat since it was a kitten and if it walks into a room it’s still not going to sit on your knee.
How many cats do you have?
Seven at the moment: Eric and Ernie, Billy, Tommy… most of them are named after dead comics. A dog called Spike. And two other dogs. And three pigs. It’s a right menagerie. We are in East Yorkshire, in the wilds. It’s great.
Do you ever eat your pigs?
No! They would be delicious but they are pets. Ron, the boar, rolls over on his back and lets you scratch his belly. It’s ridiculous. They are kunekune pigs, which means ‘fat and round’ in Maori. They were tiny starting out but they’re really big now.
Speaking of dead comics, you are playing Les Dawson soon.
Yeah. It’s a half-hour script Steve Pemberton [Inside Number 9] wrote for Sky Arts’ Urban Myths. It’s about Les when he was starting out. He was living in Paris, trying to find the inspiration to be a novelist, and he made his money by playing an out-of-tune piano in what turned out to be a brothel. John Bradley from Game Of Thrones is the young Les. I don’t know when it will be screened.
Did you mind being told you look like Les Dawson?
I don’t look that much like him, though we are roughly the same shape. But it was a huge honour because I’m a huge fan of his. And Les’s widow and daughter were behind it and brought along some of his jewellery so I could wear that.
Most of our seven cats are named after dead comedians and we have three kunekune pigs too
What’s your best Dawson gag?
There are just too many to mention.
I did always like ‘the mother-in-law came round again last night – but after a brief struggle we were able to sedate her again’. Les always made mother-in-law jokes but they actually had a terrific relationship. They got on very well.
What role do you mostly get recognised for?
It used to be The Full Monty but that was overtaken by Game Of Thrones.
Did you watch the rest of Game Of Thrones after you left it?
No, not completely. I’ve yet to do that. I know that there is controversy about how it should have ended so I did watch the final episode and I think that was a hopeful ending. I am glad it ended with the Stark kids where it had started, all going their separate ways.
If you could be anyone else in Game Of Thrones aside from Robert Baratheon, regardless of age or gender, who would you pick? been a Brit comedy to touch it?
There are so many brilliant British films but The Full Monty just sort of struck a chord in its simplicity and humour. I mean, nothing major happens to these guys, it’s not like the next day their lives changed – all they have done is taken their clothes off. But they have restored a bit of pride. And I think that it hasn’t dated as badly as some films.
When did you last see it?
A couple of years ago. The kids were not keen to see it. They are teenagers now and they were like, ‘We know what it is about and I don’t want to see my dad like that!’ But they did appreciate it when they did eventually watch it. It wasn’t what they thought it might be.
Robert Pattinson has hit the news with his crazy new pasta invention. Do you have any new culinary discoveries?
I’ve been following the Pasta Grannies on YouTube. They are these proper old-school Italian grandmas and we’ve been getting through their recipes: proper pasta and ragu that takes a bit of time but is worth it because the flavours are unreal. The kids have been learning to cook as well and everybody has been mucking in. We have been eating like lords, to be fair. We prepare all day. It is just about trying things you normally don’t have time for when you have to run the kids to school and you’re doing all the other stuff that takes up your day.
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. Robert Pattinson.
Ooh, that’s a tricky one. The character that naturally appeals to me is Bronn and I think Sansa was a really interesting character: starting off as a little spoiled princess and ending up where she did.
Studios are always trying to produce ‘the new Full Monty’. Do you think there has ever
Swan features in The Uncertain Kingdom, available now on demand