Midweek Sport

As new book reveals Putin has flooded West with secret agents... IS YOUR NEIGHBOUR A RUSSIAN SPY?

- By SIMON DEAN

THE re-election of Vladimir Putin as Russia’s president means at least one thing for the West...more SPIES!

Putin’s a former KGB man himself and he still works with the cunning and ruthlessne­ss of a Soviet-era secret policemen.

For us that means our business, scientific and defence establishm­ents will come under full-scale attack from Russian-recruited spooks.

Sexy spy Anna Chapman was just one of the spies who infiltrate­d the West on the orders of Putin. After her capture by the FBI and subsequent return to Russia, she became a hero in her homeland.

But according to spy expert Edward Lucas, in his new book Deception: Spies, Lies and How Russia Dupes the West, Russkie agents are not all as glamorous as Anna. In fact, your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR could be dancing to Moscow’s tune.

He wrote: “The Russian regime is tyrannical, criminal, murderous, and every bit as paranoid and predatory as its predecesso­r, the Soviet Union.

“It thinks the West duplicitou­s, arrogant and greedy and it wants our secrets, whether military, business or political. To get them it uses an undergroun­d army of spies based here, and their most potent weapon is their ordinarine­ss.

“They are the kind of people you might meet at the school Faslane, plane spotting at RAF Brize Norton and collecting blueprints of Britain’s atomic power stations 4. IT’S NEW YEAR. YOUR NEIGHBOUR: a) Knocks on your door, “first footing” with a lump of coal and a can of lager b) Is away in the Far East visiting “some friends he met in Skiathos” c) Hammers on your door at midnight, offering gifts of bread and salt, clearly worse for wear

on vodka 5. TO RECEIVE TV PROGRAMMES, YOUR NEIGHBOUR USES: a) A Sky box to get all the footy b) A Freeview box “that’s all he needs” as he “prefers reading to TV” c) A vast satellite dish which puts Jodrell Bank to shame and whirrs into action at times of increased internatio­nal tension gates, work alongside in an office or see mowing the lawn of the house next door, stealthily penetratin­g our society.”

James Woolsey, a former director of the CIA, put the problem thus: “If you should strike up a conversati­on with an articulate, English-speaking Russian wearing a $3,000 suit and a pair of Gucci loafers, and he tells you that he is an executive of a Russian trading company, then there are four possibilit­ies.

“He may be what he says he is. He may be a Russian intelligen­ce officer working under commercial cover.

“He may be part of a Russian organised crime group. But the really interestin­g possibilit­y is that he is all three.”

So is your neighbour a secret Ivan agent? How to tell?

Use our handy quiz to find out: 6. YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S CELLAR: a) Is full of all sorts of junk and trash b) Has been turned into a home gym-cum-workroom c) Regularly echoes to the anguished cries of suspected counterrev­olutionari­es being tortured into confession 7. YOUR NEIGHBOUR HOLIDAYS IN: a) Rhyl b) The Greek Islands c) The workers’ paradise that is Cuba 8. YOUR NEIGHBOUR PICKS UP A MINOR TRAFFIC VIOLATION. DOES HE: a) Try to get out of it using a “trick from a bloke down the pub” b) Writes a letter to The Guardian c) Stands up in court, confesses to a string of crimes – mostly imagined – up to and including sabotage and treason, blaming “foreign wreckers” and “reactionar­y forces” 9. YOUR NEIGHBOUR GREETS YOU WITH: a) A cheery “Good morning” b) A chirrup of “Cooo-eee!” c) The words: “The birds fly north to Minsk, though our friend plays well on the harpsichor­d” 10. AT GENERAL ELECTION TIME, YOUR NEIGHBOUR: a) Votes if he can be bothered b) Campaigns vigorously for the Green Party c) Viciously beats anyone who does not vote for the governing party, stuffs ballot boxes with fake voting slips and then begins celebratin­g victory for his candidate a full four hours before the polls have even closed

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