COPS ADMIT: MONKEYS HAVE GOT US BEAT!

City to be evacuated as apes take control

GOING APESHIT: Urban monkeys taking control

HORDES of sex-mad monkeys have beaten cops battling to stop them overrunning a city.

Police had been trying to control the marauding apes but have admitted they’re powerless to stop the simian surge.

And now the only hope is that the monkeys will EAT themselves to death in the Thai city of Lopburi.

Citizens in the tourist hotspot are afraid to leave their homes due to the vicious macaques, which have set up home in a disused cinema – and have developed a taste for junk food.

An estimated 6,000 monkeys are terrorising locals, attacking anyone brave enough to stand in their way.

Unfortunately some residents first thought the best way of calming the overzealous monkeys down was to give them fast food – but this has just made the situation worse.

Police officer Nirad Pholngeun said trying to disperse large groups was “hopeless”.

He added: “Within a blink of an eye there are more monkeys. So many babies.”

As a result of their unhealthy diet, the urban monkeys have less muscle than wild macaques, with many suffering from high blood pressure.

One wildlife expert said: “The monkeys are never hungry, just like children who eat too much KFC.”

The only hope is that the obese monkeys will start dropping dead from overeating – if not, the city may have to be EVACUATED.

City resident Kuljira Taechawattanawanna, lamented: “We live in a cage but the monkeys live outside. It’s like Planet of the Apes!”

Monkey numbers have doubled in two years, and parts of the city have become no-go areas.