JUSTIN DUNN’S ROOM 101 Nanny NHS should go on a diet itself!
WHAT’S ANNOYING HIM THIS WEEK?
THE sight of fat oafs scoffing ffi g sausage rolls while walking along the road – as though they couldn’t possibly wait to get home before chowing down – makes my stomach churn.
No matter how many flaky pastry bits fall to rest on their rotund bellies.
Or the globs of sausage meat that get caught in their beards.
And that, of course, is just the women.
As a ludicrously thin bloke, who considers food something I need when I’m hungry rather than to continually graze upon throughout the day like a cow, it just seems absurd. Then there’s the excuses. The fats moan about being “big boned” or having “thyroid trouble”, but as they’re normally attempting to explain this through a mouthful of chocolate éclair, it’s easy to dismiss.
Truth is, most of them are just plain greedy. If they could snap their dinner plates in two to pour their chips-with-everything down into their gaping gullets, they would.
Vices
They are the human equivalent of seals snatching at fish lobbed at them at the zoo.
But as I also very much believe in freedom of choice, if you want to eat yourself into an early, heart-stricken grave, that’s up to you.
Same with fags and booze. We all have our choices. And our vices.
One of the NHS’s many, many vices is the comparatively new idea that not only is it there to remove saucepans from the heads of cartoon characters, it is also there to finger-wag us to death.
It’s latest wheeze, advertised at your expense on every TV channel, is its “NHS Food Scanner App”.
It works by you opening your kitchen cupboards and scanning all the foodstuffs you have in there, and then telling you how awful they all are.
Worse still, it then suggests “healthy” alternatives.
So, out goes jam and in comes a smear of butterfly shit, or something.
My favoured late-night snack of “bacon-flavoured” (they mean “salty”) Frazzles will no doubt be suggested to be replaced with dried split peas or celery stalks.
Yet, didn’t we turn our noses up at all this bollocks years ago?
Glutton
Back in the days of a Labour government – black and white TV times, almost – there was a non-stop drip, drip, drip of this nanny state stuff and we rightly got fed up with it.
But since then the millennials have arrived among us and if there is anything whatsoever to cry about, they’ll find it.
Red traffic lights are “too aggressive”. Full stops in sentences are, too.
And you definitely can’t call anyone “fat” even though, possessed of eyes and brain matter, you can see and work out for yourself what you’re looking at.
What possesses the NHS – the nation’s biggest glutton, with its never-ending hunger for our money to spend on stupid apps like the Food Scanner – to think it can think on our behalf?
Next time you see the NHS Food Scanner App ad, ask yourself how many fat doctors and nurses you’ve seen at your local hospital.
And wonder... have they ever considered downloading this crap themselves?