PETER HOOK PREDICTS
And finally! The Joy Division/New Order bass Viking reads the tea leaves for the year ahead.
“THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS COMING, I TELL YA!”
Donald Trump Will Not Destroy The Planet
I’m not sure he’d be allowed to nuke anybody, put it that way. And he’s backtracking on loads of stuff now anyway. Ultimately the world will be as safe with him as it is with all the other fucking idiots. Face it, nearly all of them have been up for impeachment.
Brexit Will Be Fudged
We’re gonna trundle on pretty much as we are for the foreseeable. They’re approaching Brexit from a legal point of view, saying it’s illegal, and when you get involved with the law… ha ha! Plus, I think it’s a bad time for us to try and stand alone, it’s silly to be isolationist. I am pro-EU.
Musicians Should Beware The Royal Family
After Princess Beatrice got Ed Sheeran with a sword [in November, she accidentally slashed him with a ceremonial sabre while pretending to knight James Blunt], she’ll start attacking all the entertainers, using maces and iron maidens and other medieval torture instruments, depending on which songs do it for her. Actually you’d think she would’ve beheaded him, wouldn’t you? I’ve been watching that new series of The Royals, very Machiavellian, loads of plots and drugs, they’re all pissed all the time with lots of backstabbing.
The Zombie Apocalypse Is Coming (Possibly)
It would certainly sort the men from the boys, wouldn’t it? It’d be a good reality show, too – Zombie Apocalypse Island. Funnily enough my brother does the contingencies for Greater Manchester Police, if there’s an earthquake or the reservoirs get poisoned, shit like that, and do you know, there is no plan for a zombie apocalypse. It’s coming I tell ya! Life’s a lot like that anyway isn’t it?
Fake News Will Be Challenged
There’s a great programme called Adam Ruins Everything, where this guy debunks myths, like “carrots are good for making you see” or “St John’s Wort is good for your bowels”, with facts! We need him doing that with everything basically, with fake news, news that gets steered, and other propaganda.
The England Women’s Football Team Will Have A Good Year
They’re going to beat everybody. Wouldn’t that be great? In the World Cup I mean [nb: this takes place in 2018]. The men are so fucking useless, let them field the women’s team and see if they can do any better.
Fashion Takes A Drastic Turn
We’re all going to go naked. It would be a great leveller, in society, if we all had to walk round nude. How scary would that be? Fucking hell. But this is one of the wonderful things about being my age, you get to the point where everything, like fashion, begins to look ridiculous.
60 Will (Still) Be The New 40
It is, and it’s really weird. If someone would’ve said to me at 20 that I’d still be a musician at 60, I would’ve gone, Fuck off. Yet here you are. Forty years can pass, you change but you don’t
change, you’re still doing it. The young musicians keep moaning about it, but they don’t do anything to usurp you.
Hooky Will Be Busy
I’ve had offers to work with Wolfgang Flür and Reverend And The Makers and I’ve been talking to [old collaborator] Pottsy about doing a Monaco album. So it’s going to be good. Once I get this legal shit out of the way with New Order… my life will be rosy.