Your questions on MIND, BODY

Jo Ahern is a freelance writer who cut her teeth working on teenage mags. Years of writing later, her research and writing focus on health and wellbeing – emotional health is close to her heart. Jo volunteers within an area of the 3rd sector providing emotional support to those in need.

Dear Jo,

I have a friend who has always been quite critical of me and has no problem telling me what I should be doing and what was wrong with me – and I used to let her. Well, times have moved on and I’m stronger than I used to be, but she still tries to control and criticise me. What should I do here?

Irene

Jo Says

Ever y relationship in our life will grow and change over time. Some friendships don’t make it through the years with us, and that is OK. It does not need to besmirch the memories that two friends made together.

You still have a relationship with this friend but, for you, the dynamics have changed. Ask yourself if you do still want this relationship/friendship in your life. If the answer is an emphatic no, you can calmly acknowledge that your lives have moved in different directions and that your time as friends has come to an end. If this path is already set in motion, allow things to drift away to sleep naturally by letting the time between chats and catch-ups extend and extend until they fall away.

If this friendship is still impor tant to you and you want to nur ture it, I believe you can do exactly that with your newfound strength. The control your chum is still tr ying to extend could be from her own anxiety about her place in your life; your quiet strength could be the balm to that. Trust in yourself and the caring you have for her. Relax into your own calm and just love having her in your life – meet the criticisms with a smile and allow the peace in the knowledge of your journey together to shine. Heidi Dore is a yoga and shiatsu practitioner, working from a beautiful country setting in Balmerino in Fife. She has studied yoga and shiatsu extensively and believes passionately in the power of gentle healing to boost your mind, energy and mood. See www.yogashiatsuscotland.co.uk

Dear Heidi,

I am having so much pain in my neck at the moment – it is driving me nuts! I have quite a busy and demanding job, and by the end of the day the muscles around my neck and shoulders are like rock. What can I do to ease this?

Cindy

Heidi Says

Unfor tunately work-related neck and shoulder pain is the most common thing I deal with. The good news is you can regain control by making small adjustments. Make gentle movements before, after and during work – your body needs to move! Stroll to the water cooler, stand up and stretch.

Check your posture. Ideally, when seated, your hips should be a little higher than your knees to maintain the healthy cur ve in the spine. Set up your screen so you don’t need to tilt your head for ward and avoid hunching up when using your phone.

When stressed and busy it’s common to breathe shallowly or even stop breathing – this triggers a fight/ flight response in the ner vous system. Clenching your jaw is also a common unconscious stress response that can cause the neck and shoulders to lock up.

Do Yoga Mudra – the light pressure of the forefinger against the thumb will help you withdraw from office stress. Close your eyes for a few moments or simply lower your gaze and allow yourself to be absorbed in the subtle sensations between finger and thumb.

At home, do chest opening poses using a bolster.

This is a wonder ful way to help the body recover from hours hunched over a keyboard, relaxing sore muscles in the neck, shoulders and upper body. Pamper yourself, light a candle and practise self-compassion.

“Some friendships don’t make it through the years”