Ask Helen
QFor years and years my husband and I have talked about downsizing when we retired. We have a 3 bedroomed house in a good area and the garden is my pride and joy. Now that we are approaching retirement, my husband has been looking at bungalows for sale. The only problem is I have changed my mind. I don’t want to move to a tiny bungalow with a postage stamp garden. And I’d like room for the grandchildren to stay. How do I tell him?
The basis of any marriage is your shared experiences and dreams. Sharing through discussion is such a fundamental function. How else can we plan the future?
It is also absolutely OK to change one’s mind and plans! After all, you are working out an unknown future and trying on different ideas as you go… some will fit, some will not.
So, make time for bringing up the garden issue – how great it looks, how much it means to you and how important it is.
On another occasion talk about how lovely it is that you can accommodate your children and grandchildren from time to time. Also, how much you enjoy having spacious rooms.
From the opposing view, not all bungalows are small with small gardens and limited accommodation – try and keep an open mind. But both of you need to make a list of essentials for your next home – then compare the lists and the reasons why they differ – as they surely will! Then find the overlap and enjoy the home hunting. Maybe you could even stay put?
Marriage is about compromise on both sides. I’m sure that you can decide together on what kind of place you need.
It’s absolutely OK to change your mind. After all, you are working out an unknown future