Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
Last week I mentioned that the sleepy little seaside town we’ve just visited on holiday appeared to be harbouring a dark secret. I first realised something was wrong on our fourth day. While sitting in a lovely quayside pub it suddenly hit me.
“There are no cats!” I exclaimed, so loudly my daughter Maya half-choked on her Coke. “I haven’t seen a single cat since we got here!” I continued, in a quieter voice and wary of the teenage eyes now glaring at me.
After some thought, Maya had to agree. Over the next three days we looked high and low, but didn’t see one scrap of evidence to suggest a feline presence. Wells-next-the-sea, Norfolk, had no cats. What’s more, virtually everybody seemed to have a dog, and the town was so dog-friendly there were courtesy bowls of water almost everywhere. Little seaside shops were full of gifts celebrating the loyal attributes of our canine friends, and pointing out the flaws of their feline counterparts.
Why did these people so love dogs and apparently dislike cats? This was an alien concept to me. I mean, I love dogs, but cats are surely better, aren’t they?
Now there’s a statement that could get me shot – especially in Wells.
As I pondered, I suddenly remembered seeing a huge road sign on the way into town and my overactive imagination gave it a whole new meaning. Was “CATS’ EYES REMOVED” really a road safety warning… or a local service? Was this yet another manifestation of hatred of pointy-eared pets?
After yet another day without a single cat-sighting I decided enough was enough. I walked into a tiny seafood shop, looked the owner in the eyes as I bought a punnet of cockles and came straight out with it. “I haven’t seen any cats here.”
“Here?” she repeated, “In my shop? I should hope not!”
“I mean in Wells. I’ve looked everywhere but I haven’t seen a single cat!”
“Why are you looking for cats?” she returned.
I hadn’t expected that. Now I just seemed plain weird.
On our last day, as we loaded the car, something made me look up at nextdoor’s bedroom window. A tabby face stared back. There had been a cat living next door during our entire stay. And he had eyes. What a relief.
So, people of Wells, I now love you as much as your town, because you clearly do have cats. If not nearly enough of them, in my opinion.
Incidentally, cat’s-eyes – those little reflective road markers that have prevented countless accidents – were invented by a man named Percy Shaw, who, while driving home one night, saw a cat walking towards him and the startling reflection of its eyes in his headlights gave him the idea.
They do say that had the cat been walking away from him, he’d have invented the tea towel holder…sorry!
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