Ask Helen
Helen Lederer Celebrity agony aunt gives you her heartfelt advice every week
Ihave an elderly friend I used to work with who I see every few weeks for afternoon tea. We got on so well when we worked together, but now I almost dread seeing her because all she talks about is herself. I struggle to get a word in edgeways, but I could tell you everything there is to know about her latest hospital appointment! Meeting up with her is starting to feel like a chore, but what can I do?
Some elderly people revert to teenage ways where every conversation is “all about me”, so understanding that will go some way to dealing with your dilemma. Also, it’s worth reminding ourselves that some elderly people never get out and have no company and therefore over-talk when they meet someone. Old age happens to us all – if we’re lucky – and it is wonder ful that you’ve offered much-needed friendship.
Now, you say that you got on well at work, so take some of that into your meetings. Prepare your own thoughts about work-related issues and people. Or you could suggest doing something different… play a card game, go out for tea, or a shopping trip to change the scenery. Perhaps you could bring another friend she also knows, or ask her about the political times of her past. She will feel valued and enjoy an interested party asking her about the major influences of her life.
You must bring something of yourself next time and avoid just being a listener. You can ask her opinion on current affairs, discuss the last book you read, or plan to watch a TV show to discuss.
Although she craves your company it also must work for you, so move the one way monologues about her health into a more engaging and pleasurable time spent in each other’s company. With a little bit of preparation you can make them more interesting for both of you. She is lucky to have you as a friend.
You need to bring something of yourself to your meetings and avoid just being a listener