Mum Has Arranged Her Own Funeral
My mum is a healthy 75-year-old, but she’s become obsessed with planning her own funeral. My father passed away a few years ago and the family organised his funeral, but she’s determined to do it all herself. She’s paid for the whole thing already, organised everything with a local funeral director and even has the hymns picked out. I can’t help feeling she’s being morbid – and that she doesn’t trust us to do right by her.
Many people do not give their funeral a thought, so it could be said your mother is “on the money” by planning every detail. However, perhaps there’s more to her zeal than meets the eye.
While you can applaud her forward thinking, there is a conversation to be had. Go through all her wishes with her, but share your feelings about her life; the importance of certain events, or perhaps some verse that might be key on the day.
Reassure her you are there for her and
want to celebrate her life. She may calm down once you’ve connected with her in a loving way and allow you in a little more. Her independence may be a way to mask her fears about leaving you behind.
Ask gently who she’d like to speak on her behalf; any friends she especially wants to be there. But after that, try to move on. You clearly do not relish being reminded of the grief ahead. Perhaps in her keenness she has missed that point.
Her funeral is an opportunity for you all as a family to mark her passing. It is as much about you as her; reassure your mother that you need to be fully in the picture. Once the “planning meeting” is over, though, you must say how much you want her to put that day off as far as possible. She needs to know that you understand, but also that you want to enjoy life while she is still here.
You clearly do not relish being reminded of the grief ahead. Perhaps she has missed this