Why Can’t They Just Accept Him?
I’ve just had a phone call from my daughter asking me to a surprise party at her house for my grandson’s 10th birthday. I would love to go, but she made it very clear that my husband – her stepdad – is not welcome. Her own father sadly passed away many years ago, but neither she nor her sister has ever made any effort with my husband. He’s a lovely man and I just don’t know why they dislike him so much. I’m heartbroken over this.
Wow – doesn’t life put us difficult situations? I share your dismay at their lack of effort with your new husband especially as their dad passed away. You would hope they could be happy for you.
But every situation has two sides. Has your husband tried to get to know your girls and been good to them? Or maybe there have been conflicts?
However it might just be that your children were so close to you both as parents that they are still struggling to
see you with anyone else? There is some emotional journeying for them to do if so.
With encouragement from you, I’m sure some kindness can be extended to your second husband – if only to offer a model of behaviour to their own children?
You must talk to your husband about the invite and explain how it hurts you. I’m sure he will be happy for you to go alone to celebrate your grandson’s special day because he must recognise the situation. If not, that suggests he too is at odds with them, and that needs to be sorted at another time. Is there a real conflict? Or just a lack of awareness?
After the party it would be wise to really explore how they feel about you and your husband. There may be reasons that can be resolved, or it may just be a case of not seeing how their behaviour is affecting you. A family chat is needed!
If he doesn’t accept the situation, this suggests that he too is at odds with them