Ask He­len

Celebrity agony aunt He­len Led­erer gives you her heart­felt ad­vice ev­ery week

My Weekly - - Contents -

I Can’t Con­trol My Wild Grand­son

Iam my four-year-old grand­son’s big­gest fan, but even I have to ad­mit that he is wild. He runs every­where, never sits still and is a real live wire. I can cope with that – it’s nor­mal for his age, af­ter all – but he never does what I tell him to, ei­ther. I dread meet­ing any of my friends when I’m out with him be­cause he’s so wil­ful. My daugh­ter doesn’t seem to have a prob­lem with him, though – so why won’t he do a thing I say?

Imust say how won­der ful it is that you are able to spend time with your grand­son. Is there a dif­fer­ence be­tween a real “live-wire” as you put it, and a child who is out of (your) con­trol?

You say you can cope, but it seems there is an el­e­ment of worry – maybe you are con­fused, and this could be trans­mit­ting mixed mes­sages. If you ap­prove yet dis­ap­prove of his be­hav­iour he may be un­clear on his bound­aries.

I can also un­der­stand that a fouryear-old “storm” is hard to man­age. You say your daugh­ter ap­pears to cope well, and I sus­pect she has a dif­fer­ent un­der­stand­ing with him as they are to­gether most of the time.

All chil­dren are dif­fer­ent – some more docile, oth­ers more ac­tive. At four it is dif­fi­cult to grasp adult con­cepts, es­pe­cially the word “no”. Per­haps your grand­son is one of those who sim­ply take less no­tice of his grand­par­ents.

The only other is­sue is whether he has a hy­per­ac­tiv­ity syn­drome. Hy­per­ac­tiv­ity has many char­ac­ter­is­tics, but this is a med­i­cal prob­lem that needs a visit to his GP.

Apart from that, my ad­vice is to con­tinue to be avail­able to him and to try to and be con­sis­tent with your bound­ary set­ting. You’ll both ben­e­fit – as will your friends! HTTPS://BIT.LY/2BTQD2J

Maybe you are trans­mit­ting mixed mes­sages on whether you ap­prove of his be­hav­iour

En­joy your time with him

A s some­one who has been a so­cial worker, mother, wife and di­vorcee I feel I have been around the block – and back – a few times. I’m hum­bled to an­swer your ques­tions and pas­sion­ately feel that if a prob­lem can be shared it can be halved -– at the very least.

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