Ask Helen
Celebrity agony aunt Helen Lederer gives you her heartfelt advice every week
My daughter’s hoarding is a problem
My grown-up daughter moved in with us when she lost her job, and has not worked for the last five years. She has a degree, but she just spends all day filling up my home with junk and unnecessary clutter. I think she’s depressed but, because she’s an adult, I can’t ask for help for her. I am at the end my tether worrying about this as all we do is argue about her hoarding. How can I get her some help? This is such a difficult situation to manage and to cope with. Your daughter is obviously highly intelligent and has managed her life until now – mixing with others at University and school. She has clearly had to meet deadlines and do exams in the past which means she has had some experience of meeting deadlines and possibly relating well to others.
There does have to be a meeting As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I feel I have been around the block – and back – a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and passionately feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved -– at the very least.
with all of you there but how about inviting someone else you trust – a relative or a close friend – but if this amounts to nothing, do consider going to your doctor.
There are some facts that need to be aired. Ultimately you must end up with an action plan. She will need some space for her “stuff”, and she may need professional help – but you can help facilitate that. She may be resistant at first, but you could go with her to her GP. She may need help with finding an appropriate job as well.
There are so many things to decide and that is why an extra person is there to widen the group. Thankfully, there are organisations out there to help guide you as a family into addressing the problem. Good luck.
Ultimately you must end up with an action plan. She may need some professional help too