OUR Greatest GIFT EVER!
After the birth of her sons, Katie longed for a daughter, but it seemed not to be…until Leah changed their lives forever
Christmas is my favourite time of year. The perfectly decorated tree, the sacks of presents for the kids, the expressions on their faces as their tear off the wrapping paper to see what Santa brought. It feels magical, like time slows down.
I always had my heart set on having three children. After Owen and I had our sons, Alex and Daniel, we longed for a daughter. But life doesn’t always go to plan. I never had any trouble falling pregnant, but after the boys I had two miscarriages then four ectopic pregnancies. The first time it happened, it was so traumatic seeing the heartbeat on the scan, knowing the pregnancy was not viable. The fetus had to be removed in a major operation. Every time it happened again, our hopes of adding to our family slipped a little further out of reach. By the end of 2002 it was clear we couldn’t keep putting ourselves through it, physically or emotionally.
Back then I was working as a senior sales account manager but it all felt a world away from what mattered to me. I just wanted a baby. As that wasn’t going to happen biologically, we decided to become foster parents, so we could help other children. After a period of training, we were approved to foster in 2003. We looked after a few toddlers and newborn babies, usually for a few months while the local authority organised their future placement.
There were stories that were devastating and times when it broke my heart to see children leave, but it is a transitional job and when the children move on, you meet their adoptive parents and you know they are going to loving homes. You get to see a family become a family and it is a rewarding and privileged position to be in. As a foster parent, you have to know that foster children are never yours to keep.
Then along came Leah, in March 2005. She was our fifth foster child and was just two days old. She had dark hair and dark brown eyes, just like me. Trained not to get attached, I focused on helping her settle without letting myself fall in love. Her situation was delicate – her birth mother was not in a position to care for her as she had mental health problems and learning difficulties.
Her father was an illegal immigrant from a war-torn country. We didn’t know how long we’d be fostering Leah, but as the months went on, her personality shone. She fitted into our family like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle.
As her first birthday came around, we realised we all wanted Leah to be a permanent part of our family and we applied to adopt Leah. It was a lengthy court process involving assessment of whether any of her extended birth family were in an appropriate position to take care of her, which took
“My parents chose me!” says Leah – and that is absolutely true
21 months. During 2007, we were assessed as her adopters then approved, and in April 2008 we legally became a family of five.
Leah brought balance into our family. Growing up, the boys were boisterous and loved nothing more than kicking footballs – and each other. Leah brought femininity and calm. I know all children of all genders are different, but where the boys loved Bob the Builder, Leah loved Sylvanian Families.
The boys are obsessed with cricket and rugby. Leah shares my love of jewellery and fashion. When the boys need new clothes, I have to drag them to the shops and it’s a chore. With Leah, it’s an experience. She has an infectious way of seeing the world and I adore her company.
She’s now 13 and has “letterbox contact” with her birth father and enjoys writing to him. She knows her birth mother couldn’t look after herself very well and they do not have contact. We talk about her past whenever Leah has questions. It’s an ongoing, open dialogue.
I continue to foster so she’s around the adoption process all the time. I think this helps her have a positive relationship with her own past. She understands that foster children are only with us for a little while, but she’s ours forever.
Leah wasn’t the first baby we fostered, nor the first girl, but she was the first we fell in love with. “My parents chose me!” she says, and that’s absolutely true.
My miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies were devastating but if I’d had another biological child, I wouldn’t have become a foster mum and I wouldn’t have found Leah.
So this Christmas, as Leah wraps her arms around me and thanks me for her gifts, I’ll be thanking her for the greatest gift of all – making our family complete.