ON THE COVER Dr Sarah Jarvis
My Weekly’s favourite GP from TV and radio writes for you NEVER FORGET YOU’RE DESIRABLE. YOU MAY HAVE A FEW MORE WRINKLES AND GREY HAIR, BUT THEY’RE A REMINDER OF HOW MUCH YOU’VE ACHIEVED IN LIFE!
There’s a saying: if you put a penny in a jar for every time you make love in the first year of marriage then take a penny out every time you make love after that, the jar will never empty. Love endures but that first passion usually fades.
But what if there are physical reasons for going off sex? We look at possible causes and solutions.
It’s natural to make love less often as your marriage progresses – work, children and tiredness all interrupt. And passion is less important in a strong, loving relationship. But it’s good to know you’re still desirable, into your 60s and beyond.
After the menopause, vaginal dryness is a very common issue. This can lead to soreness, urine infections and sometimes vaginal discharge. But it can also make sex uncomfortable. The reason for vaginal dryness is a drop in levels of the female hormone oestrogen, which keeps the lining of the vagina plumped up and springy and allows lubrication. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) can top up oestrogen levels and deal with the problem. Some women can’t take HRT, and others are worried about the proven link with breast cancer. Topical HRT – applied as a cream, pessary or vaginal ring which releases small amounts of oestrogen – only involves a tiny dose. This means there is no evidence of increased risk of breast cancer and side effects are rare and usually minor. If you’ve had breast cancer, your doctor may advise avoiding even this low dose of oestrogen. If you can’t use or
DEPRESSION MEDICATION, AS WELL AS DEPRESSION, CAN AFFECT LIBIDO. IF SYMPTOMS CAME ON AFTER YOU STARTED A NEW MEDICINE, SPEAK TO YOUR PHARMACIST.
don’t fancy topical HRT, non-hormonal vaginal moisturisers are an alternative. These are different to lubricants (like KY jelly) – they’re more effective, last longer and are used regularly. A pharmacist can advise.
Women produce testosterone too. In some, low levels after the menopause can contribute to low desire.
If you’ve had a major health scare such as a heart attack, it’s common to worry about the risks of making love. For the vast majority, it’s completely safe within weeks of leaving hospital. Your medical team can advise you when it’s safe.
Men worry about their performance – a lot. Half of 40-70 year olds and 7 in 10 over 70s have erectile dysfunction, or ED. This can range from not being able to get an erection at all to not being able to keep an erection long enough to finish sex.
Even a single “failure” can lead to a vicious cycle – if your man has suffered ED once or twice, he’s likely to be more anxious when he tries again, and this can make the problem worse. There’s often a physical cause – high blood pressure or cholesterol, smoking, diabetes and medications can all lead to ED. For most, tablets such as Viagra or Cialis will sort the issue out, but do make sure he goes for a physical check too. And make it clear you love him regardless. Stress, anxiety and depression commonly cause low libido. A little planning may be enough to bring back that loving feeling. Ideally make a day of it – take your partner for a walk, to a museum or the cinema. When you get back, have simple but special food waiting, romantic music and candles. Take the phone off the hook and focus on each other. Ideally have a regular date night to reconnect.
For most, there’s no reason you can’t have a great love life if you want one! Next week: Step away from the tablets