Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales
Chris ponders from whom he might have inherited his chaotic tendencies…
My Mum and Dad have just returned from Disney World Florida. This is strange for a couple of reasons – firstly that they’ve long hated Disney World, and secondly that they’ve long hated Florida.
This irrational hatred towards places that to many represent paradise stems partly from experiences previously related in my columns – namely that my Dad turned himself upside down in a tyre in an apparent attempt to become the first person to drown in 3 feet of water on Disney’s lazy river.
Add to this, his frenzied splashing against all advice while swimming with sharks, could easily have seen him eaten by one.
For her part my Mum has, over the years, built up a deep loathing of flying, theme parks and hot weather. So obviously, flying to visit theme parks in hot weather was the obvious choice!
However, go to Disney they did. This was actually a very honourable thing to do, because long ago they made a promise to take every one of their grandchildren there, and this they duly did. How were they to know that my sister would provide another grandchild long after her other two had left childhood, left school and even left jobs?
Thus it was that two octogenarians and a toddler made their way across the Atlantic, under instructions not to participate in any activities likely to kill Dad.
Against all expectations, Dad behaved impeccably throughout the holiday, had fun, hugged Goofy, and even went swimming without dying. No, this time it was Mum who almost caused an international incident…
On the very first morning, Mum left her hotel, boarded a Magic Kingdom shuttle bus, and kidnapped a small child.
It wasn’t an attempt to solicit a ransom fee to cover holiday expenses, but rather a total lack of concentration. Standing waiting for the bus, Mum had, as usual, begun sifting through her bag for all the things she thought she’d mislaid but hadn’t, and was in a state of total disarray as the shuttle’s doors hissed open.
In a panic, Mum grabbed her granddaughter’s hand and quickly dragged her aboard. So far, so good. But as the doors slid shut, she suddenly realised she hadn’t seen Dad get on. Scanning the bus, she was relieved to see him settling into a seat, along with their granddaughter. Phew!
Hang on though… if her granddaughter was sitting over there, whose hand was she holding? She realised with total horror that she’d just hauled a young boy away from his mother and sped off on a shuttle bus.
If ever there was a moment that being apprehended by a burly security guard and a yelling woman could be seen as a huge relief, this was it. Just 30 seconds into the trip, child and mother were reunited and my mother was offering them dollars. Mum always tries to give money to people she feels she may have annoyed. I always wonder, if my Mum and Dad were to pass down all of their very worst disaster genes to one single person, what on earth would that person be like?
Mum grabbed the child’s hand and got on the bus
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