Finding The Right Words
Emily was harbouring teenage grudges and finding it hard to choose the right card for Mother’s Day…
Emily stood in the wide, harshly lit shop and let her eyes sweep over the helium filled balloons, bigeyed, stuffed toys, glossy boxes of chocolates and the vast array of cards in tones of sugared almonds with glittery, saccharine words of appreciation, splattered all over them. One was even peppered with three-dimensional silk-feel love hearts. She ran her fingers over grand exclamations like ToThe GreatestMumintheWorld! and ILove MyMummy!
Urgh… She felt the shiver of cringe along her limbs. These were not even close to what she was looking for.
“Can I help you?” The smiley assistant seemed to pop up out of nowhere, her hands clasped eagerly.
Emily wished she would pop back to wherever it was she had sprung from. She was in no mood to expand on her obvious indecision, nor to share her thoughts on the ridiculous need to even buy a card at all.
“No. Thanks though.” She managed a half smile. “Just looking.”
“No worries!” Smiley Assistant held up her hand to indicate no offence had been taken, yet the crestfallen expression behind her spectacles screamed the exact opposite.
Emily regretted her half smile and dug deep, going full megawatt, teeth showing and all, and added, “But if I need anything… em…”
“Natalie,” the girl interrupted, running her finger over the enamelled name badge pinned neatly on her blouse.
“Okaaaay. If I need anything, Natalie, I’ll holler.”
“It can be a difficult card to get right, I know.” Natalie lowered her tone, as if sharing a confidence.
“Yup.” Emily regretted showing the tooth-smile of encouragement, preferring silence for this thankless and difficult task.
She randomly picked up a card that had clearly been shoved in the wrong section. No doubt by someone as disgruntled, disheartened or indifferent as her. She focused on the nonthreatening dinosaur that graced the front and faked engrossment in the message – Wishingawonderfullittleboy a“ROARSOME”Birthday!
“Some of these can be a bit…” Natalie ran her fingers over the glittery tropes of motherhood, as she neatened the wayward envelopes and realigned the cards, edge to edge in the display.
“A bit much?” Emily finished.
“I guess so.” Natalie gave a small nod and took a step towards Emily. “But I was going to say daunting.”
Emily studied the dinosaur image in her hand and chose not to divulge that “daunting” was the last word she would have used, preferring “pointless,” “commercial”, “inaccurate” and downright “cheesy”, if called upon to describe the selection.
Natalie folded her arms across her black smocked top. “I remember we had to make Mother’s Day cards at school and it was such a worry, getting it right.”
Emily got the feeling that Natalie wasn’t going to be leaving her alone any time soon. She looked up at the girl who was naturally pretty. The heavy framed glasses hid half of her dainty face.
“I can remember them now… one year we made daffodils out of old egg boxes and glued them on, and for another we cut out heart shapes and filled the gap in the paper with pink tissue, like a little stained glass window.”
Emily figured they must be of a
“Some of these CARDS can be a bit…well, DAUNTING,” Natalie said
similar age, knowing she had made the same cards.
Natalie wasn’t done…
“I knew my mum would be waiting to see what I’d made and there was the whole pretence of me keeping it a big surprise, even though it was her who packed my school bag every night and would have seen it long before I gave it to her – duh!” Natalie laughed. “Then the card would go on display in the lounge for everyone to see. Even though I was only little, I felt the pressure.”
“Is there a chance you might have been overthinking it?” Emily suggested, as though she was speaking to one of her friends, her comment edged with enough of her trademark sass to show she didn’t care that much for the topic in hand.
Natalie clearly didn’t pick up on the
cue. She pushed her glasses up onto the bridge of her nose from where they had slid down a fraction.
“Not really. I knew how much they meant to my mum and it was kind of the only thing I got to do for her, when she did so much for me.”
“It sounds like you’re very lucky. My mum was the kind who worked late and sent a message that if my sister and I got hungry we should go get chips rather than wait for her to come home and cook the dinner she’d told us to wait for. She once locked me in my room for a whole weekend so I couldn’t go with my friends when we were all going to get matching tattoos. And now, nine years later, I’m the only one who doesn’t have one. Oh, and she split up with my dad when I was seven and that was so much fun!” There it was again, that sass. “And we’ve hardly spoken about anything meaningful for the last couple of months because she was pretty hostile about the man of my choice. So there we have it. Reckon you’ve got a card that might cover that?”
Emily knew she was venting, but couldn’t deny the sense of relief she felt at getting it all off her chest.
Natalie held her gaze and pushed up her glasses, which Emily now realised was more out of habit than necessity.
“Maybe get a blank one and tell her how you feel?”
Emily laughed, actually laughed out loud. “I might just do that!”
“I guess we learn as mothers but we learn as daughters too.” Natalie cradled the beginnings of a baby bump that Emily only now noticed. “I hope I’ve learned how to parent, but also how not to parent. I want to repeat the things she got right and change the things that, in my opinion, she got wrong. I guess that’s all any of us can do, right?”
“I guess.”
Emily thought about her nephew who owned a piece of her heart, wondering if that was how her sister managed it?
“I know I’m going to work hard to give this little one the best life I can, and I hope he or she will know that if I’m working late it’s because of that, and not because I don’t want to be at home cooking for them… mind you, my other half is the cook in our house.”
“You’re lucky.”
“Oh I am!” There it was again, that warm smile. “What tattoo did your friends get?”
“Ha!” Emily laughed to think of it now. “They got, erm… 1D on their wrists. We were all massive One Direction fans.”
“You wanted that on your arm forever?” Emily laughed again. “At the time.” She pictured the girls getting ready at the hotel for Shona’s wedding last year, all bar Evie plastering concealer over their 1D tributes and hoping it didn’t smudge onto their peach silk bridesmaid frocks.
“I can’t imagine having that
conversation with my child, but I don’t think I’d encourage them to have a tattoo that was so of the time. I think tattoos can be cool if it’s something special to you, but a band?” Natalie pulled a face. “Tastes change so much…” She let the thought trail. “And goodness me, I don’t know you, but I know that all that happened in our house, the whole great big mess of life.” Natalie bit her lip. “My mum had no control over it, so I don’t blame her. Not at all.”
I missed my dad being home every night. I missed him! And I thought it washerfault!
Emily felt the lump of emotion rising in her throat, but said nothing.
“My partner’s mum is lovely, she likes me and that makes life easier, I guess. At least you guys don’t have to bicker over where to spend Mother’s Day! Not that we do, but I guess I’m trying to find the silver lining and all that.”
“We don’t need to bicker over that either. We broke up. He was…”
Emily again pictured the text, meant for another, but sent to her. The thought of it enough to send a bolt of nausea from her gut to her throat. She swallowed hard.
“He wasn’t the person I thought he was. But I learned a lot.” She coughed. “I learned that sometimes what people say and how they feel are very different.”
“That’s true. And I’m sorry to hear you broke up. My mum always said to me that if someone doesn’t want you then they don’t deserve you and so it’s a lucky escape.”
“I know you’re right, but it’s taking a while for my brain and my heart to catch up.” Emily voiced this truth.
“Well, it’s been nice talking to you.” Natalie beamed. “I’d better get back to work.” She pointed over her shoulder to the till.
“You too.” And she meant it. “Have a nice Mother’s Day with your mum.”
“Oh!” Natalie looked back and paused, blinking slowly. “My mum… my mum passed away. Three years ago now.” She looked down and bit her lip, “And you know what? I would give anything for one day, just one more day.
Then I’d buy her every glitter-covered card in this rack just to make sure she knew how I felt about her and how much I miss her.”
Emily stared after her, a little lost for words and a whole lot more thoughtful.
Emily opened the gate and trotted up the path of her childhood home. Her sister was already in situ, sprawled on the sofa with the newspaper in her hands. Her brother-in-law was in the garden throwing a ball for his son to catch, and her mum busied herself in the kitchen, pinny on, peeling spuds and stopping only to stir the simmering apples and cinnamon for a pie.
“Here she is!” Her mum abandoned her station and ran to wrap her youngest child in her arms. “I was sad to hear about your heartache. I never trusted him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel your sadness. It will pass, darling, you know that, right?”
“Yes, I do.” Emily gripped her mother tightly.
“Are you OK?” Her mum broke free and ran her palm over her daughter’s brow. “I thought you’d be moaning about having to give up your Sunday!” She winked. Emily gave in to the tears that gathered, sniffing repeatedly as she blurted out, “I wanted to say, Mum, that I know how hard you worked for us, and I know you love us, and I’m glad I didn’t get that One Direction tattoo.”
Her mum threw her head back and roared her laughter.
“Oh my darling! I don’t know what has brought this on, but it’s rather lovely!” “I got you a card.” Emily held out her hands. “In fact, I got you a few cards.” “What on earth?” Her mum wiped her hands on her apron, before pulling the sugared almond-coloured, glittery offerings from the envelopes and slowly reading the saccharine messages… To The Greatest Mum in the World! and I LoveMyMummy!
“Oh Emily!” Her mothers tears matched her own. “These are wonderful, just wonderful! Thank you!”
Her sister sauntered into the kitchen. “What’s going on in there? You seem uncharacteristically happy to be here, Emily.”
“Leave her alone!” Her mum flapped the end of her pinny and used it to dry her tears
“Oh Emily, what’s this?” Her mum turned the card around to reveal a non-threatening dinosaur.
“Ah, that’ll be for my boy!” Her sister beamed. “And we thought you’d forgotten. Only a week late.”
Emily smiled at her sister and grabbed the card to write on it hurriedly.
“Give me a break! I’m learning…”
Emily was a LITTLE LOST for words but feeling a lot more THOUGHTFUL