Ask Helen
As someone who has been a social worker, mother, wife and divorcee I have been around the block a few times. I’m humbled to answer your questions and feel that if a problem can be shared it can be halved – at the very least.
Continuing to seek contact is not serving you. Yet maybe there is a reason for her silence
We Said We’d Stay In Touch…
so upset because I’ve been ghosted by a friend I worked beside for over 20 years. I retired and we both said we’d stay in touch, but I have tried ringing her, emailing her home and work and posting on Facebook, but she has never replied. I can’t believe we’ve gone from speaking every day to never talking again 3 months later. There’s nothing else I can do now – I don’t want to look like a stalker – but I feel so let down by someone I thought of as a good friend.
This is so upsetting. Impossible to imagine being so involved with someone for 20 years and then experiencing nothing – almost as if you never really knew them. I can understand how let down you must feel. After three months of silence, you are right to stop reaching out. The experience is not doing you any good, nor is it changing the result.
Maybe there is a reason for her silence. Perhaps she has moved or been ill. She may be shy and not want to get to know a new group of retired people. It may be that your friendship was more one-sided than you thought. But all these are second guesses, and we can’t second-guess other people’s reactions to us. We’re bound to be wrong!
However, I’d agree that it is strange – especially as you have not been given any explanation. Have you spoken to any other former colleagues who could throw some light on it?
I’d suggest one more go, asking her colleagues, if that is doable. But after that, the case has to be closed. Continuing to seek contact is not serving you. It is your friend’s loss. You are able to make new friends, which is always exciting. Focus on what you can achieve and let this one go. Her loss; your new beginning.