Chris Pascoe’s Fun Tales s
Chris’s friend has a problem with a bed stuck on communal stairs… would a door in time solve her problem?
Afew weeks ago, I talked here about wrestling my wife’s wardrobe to the floor and destroying it. When I mentioned this incident to a friend, via text message, it was notable that she showed no sign of surprise at my actions, as if this was the sort of thing she’d expect me to be doing on any given Thursday. Indeed, the conversation very quickly moved on, going something like this:
Mia: Is the wardrobe OK? Me: No, it’s wrecked.
Mia: Are you OK?
Me: No. Bit upset about the wardrobe.
Mia: Good. I’ve got a bed stuck on my stairs.
The fact that the question “Why did you wrestle a wardrobe?” was never actually asked is concerning. But it’s also quite strange that, had she asked, she’d have discovered that I’d initially got it stuck in a doorway. And now here she was telling me she’d done the same sort of thing with a bed. You can see how we became friends.
It was at this point I felt I needed to mention the fact Mia hasn’t got any stairs, to which I received the instant reply, “Idiot! My apartment block has stairs; nobody can get past my bed!”
I started laughing at this point rather than trying to offer any advice because her predicament instantly put me in mind of one of my favourite books Dirk Gently’ s Holistic DetectiveAgency by Douglas Adams, not only a genius of comedy, but also of perfect comedy titles including, for a book in which all the world’s dolphins decide to leave Planet Earth, SoLongand Thanks for all the Fish. Perfect!
The incident in Dirk Gently, if my memory serves me correctly, involved not a bed but a sofa, but otherwise exactly mirrored Mia’s situation – it was completely wedged in a bend on a public
It was completely wedged in a bend on a public staircase
staircase. Not only wedged, but as the detective Dirk Gently deduced – impossibly so. There was no physical way that the sofa could ever have been maneuvered into the bend, and it remained in situ throughout the entire book.
So how did it get there?
For those tempted to read the book, I don’t want to spoil it, but for those wanting an immediate solution, like Mia, it’s at the bottom of the page.*
Incidentally, having mentioned SoLongand Thanks for all the Fish, I can’t close without quoting my favourite line from it – the hero, having been informed that all humans can fly but don’t realise it, receives the instruction: “Throw yourself to the floor… and miss”.
I must try that.
* From memory – towards the end of the book, a time traveller opens a “door in time” at the exact moment the sofa was originally being delivered. One of the delivery men backs into the door, which just happens to be in the bend on the staircase, moves forward, the door behind him vanishes, and the sofa is wedged forever! I’m not sure this advice helped Mia – she didn’t seem very grateful…