”Christmas with my little warrior is going to be so special”
single mum tracy grant, 39, from caerphilly, is determined to make this festive season one to remember after a devastating cancer diagnosis blighted her family’s christmas last year…
Connor let out a piercing scream and I ran to our garden where he’d been happily bouncing on his trampoline minutes before. “Don’t cry, Connor,” I said. “Is it your nasty ear again?” Connor was nearly two and had been plagued with ear infections since he was six months old. They were painful but I’d never heard him scream like that before and he wouldn’t stop.
He also had a rash on his back and some bruises on his legs, but I put that down to prickly heat and typical toddler clumsiness. But when I took him to the GP that day in April last year, she frowned and told me she thought it might be sepsis. She phoned ahead to the Royal Gwent Hospital in Newport to warn them and Connor and I set off with my mum Anne and my grandad Albert driving us. My sister said she’d pick my girls, Leah, 13, and Sara, six, up from school and get them fed.
I wasn’t too worried – if it was sepsis I was sure the hospital could treat it. And by the time we got to hospital about 30 minutes later, Connor had cheered up. He was walking around the A&E department and babbling away. The doctors said they wanted to do some blood tests and a chest X-ray.
I knew there was something wrong then because there were loads of doctors coming in and out and all asking the same questions like, “How was he born – Caesarean or normal birth?”, “Was he breech?”, “How many infections has he had?” It got to about midnight and I was so tired and no one was telling me anything.
EMERGENCY TRANSFUSION
Then a doctor came in. “I’ve checked the results with an expert in the Cardiff Royal Infirmary,” she said. “It’s cancer.”
I was stunned. Connor was sleeping in my arms. It wasn’t possible. She also said he needed an emergency blood transfusion and that in the morning we’d be transferred to Cardiff. She told me his platelet count was so low that if we hadn’t taken him to the doctor about his ear, he’d have died that night.
The transfusion took all night. I just looked at him helplessly. At 6am, we went by ambulance to Cardiff and met with Connor’s oncologist. “We’ll find out exactly what it is and treat it,” he promised.
Within days, Connor was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia and started chemotherapy. It was six weeks before he could come home so I lived at the hospital with him while the family took care of the girls.
‘Not knowing what’s going to happen is the worst’
All through the summer and into the autumn he was doing well – going to hospital for a day every month for more chemo and then coming home. It got to Christmas 2018, and the doctors said he’d entered the maintenance stage of the disease where it’s not cured, but is improving.
It’s my children’s favourite time of year, but this time it was flat. I was exhausted and if it had just been me and Connor, I wouldn’t have bothered, but I had to make an effort for Leah and Sara. They had to take a back seat to Connor and we’d had tears and some jealousy – I don’t blame them, they’re only young. Once Sara got ill but I couldn’t leave her brother in hospital, even though I knew she was crying for me. That hurt.
They love to go to the local garden centre to see Santa, but we couldn’t because of Connor. I didn’t want him to be around a lot of people with coughs and colds and I couldn’t risk the girls catching anything either.
Santa couldn’t bring them as much as usual because I was at the hospital so much I couldn’t do the shopping. I tried but felt stingy.
On Christmas Day I smiled seeing Connor’s excitement at his presents, but shed a tear when I saw how just opening them took so much out of him. All he wanted to do was sleep.
Since then, Connor’s had ups and downs – we’ve nearly lost him three times in the past 18 months. The first time was when he was initially diagnosed and could have died that night. Then there were two more times when his temperature spiked. The last time, a couple of months ago, it went over 39 degrees and he was unresponsive. I thought he wasn’t going to pull through, but he’s my brave little warrior – even though he does like to throw me some curveballs once in a while!
He started nursery this summer and has done so well, but we have to be careful because his immune system is so low.
This year I’m determined to make Christmas special for all my children. In July we had a dummy run when we went to the Cancer research UK for Children & young People Star
Awards party in London.
Connor couldn’t believe it when he met Father Christmas – on his summer holidays, of course, in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and sandals. But he still had the long snowy beard and most important of all… presents. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” shrieked Connor – that’s what he calls Santa. Christmas in July, having lovely food and playing games with the other children undergoing cancer treatment made up for the miserable one we’d had.
lows and highs
This year is going to be different as I started my Christmas shopping ages ago. Leah is a typical teenage girl who wants clothes and anything with flamingos on. Sara loves LOL Dolls, while Connor, now three, is getting a Hulk action figure, a Spider-man scooter and things to do with his favourite team Chelsea from my football-mad brother Nathan, 24.
His treatment will continue until July 2021 and I know we’re in for some lows to go with the highs. It’s been a nightmare that we’re still living through – not knowing what’s going to happen is the worst. Connor can be doing fine, but it only takes his temperature to spike and we’re in hospital praying.
My mum says that if Connor can get up every morning with a smile on his face, then we’ve got to as well. And he does – as poorly as he can be, he can still cheer everybody up.
When we found out Connor had cancer, it felt like our world had crumbled, but he has been so brave. This whole experience has brought us closer as a family and we’re looking forward to a very special Christmas.
The Cancer Research UK for Children & Young People Star Awards, supported by TK Maxx, celebrate the courage of children up to the age of 18 who have been diagnosed with cancer.to nominate someone or find out more, visit cruk.org.uk/ childrenandyoungpeople