Melinda Messenger

Celebrity psychotherapist Melinda Messenger offers Katie advice on successful co-parenting in a blended family

Icommend you for extending an olive branch to your ex-husband and his wife – it’s not easy to try to reconcile two families after years of animosity, but as

I’m sure you’re aware, it’s in the best interests of your children.

When it comes to blended families, there are many complications – it’s challenging, but to have a relationship with the other parent and their partner is ultimately healthy. However, to do that you have to be willing to let go of the frustrations and difficulties you have with your ex and prioritise the kids. The only way to do that is to change the rules and boundaries of your relationship.

For some, a break-up means just that, a clean break. But when there are children involved, your ex is in your life for good and it’s not always easy to stay amicable. After all, more often than not, a relationship breaks down because of issues between the couple, and just because you’re co-parenting, it doesn’t mean old wounds can’t be opened up. Having this person in your life can stir up negative emotions from the past, so you need to be aware of what the triggers are and learn to put them to one side in order to put your children first.

Peter, I’m sure, will have his own wounds from the breakdown of your marriage, and he will have had to come to terms with that too. Now you need to draw up boundaries for Emily’s sake. Yes, the kids should always be your priority, but don’t be alarmed to find Pete will make Emily one too. He needs to make sure she’s comfortable with his relationship with you. They will need to agree on the way he communicates with you to ensure, going forward, that everyone feels secure and respected.

You had a huge love story with Peter – one that was played out in public – and I know you’ve since said that he was the love of your life, even when he was married to Emily. Don’t underestimate how difficult that may have been for Emily to hear. I know there is probably much sadness and loss there for you, but it’s so vital for everyone’s sake that Emily and Peter’s relationship is honoured and respected at all times. Ultimately, children are so perceptive – there could be a lot of mixed feelings from Princess and Junior about these developments. There is no doubt they’ll feel secure if a friendly resolution is met, so try to keep that good relationship with Pete and Emily going and remember how painful it is for children when one parent attacks the other. They are half one parent and half the other, don’t forget, so when one half is berating the other, imagine the inner conflict and pain that causes them.

That’s why reconciling with Pete and

Emily is so brilliant. As long as you are able to put aside your difficulties with each other for your children’s sake, the happier everyone will be.

‘Remember how painful it is for children when one parent attacks the other’