‘I was bedridden for three months after a breakdown’
Rachael Welford, 38, from London, recovered from a mental breakdown six years ago to launch her own wellbeing business, and is determined to change our attitudes to mental health
My breakdown happened almost overnight, in 2014. One day, I was in the office at the action sports business where I worked in sales and I felt overwhelmed. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I told my colleagues, then I walked out and started crying.
That evening, I went home as usual, but I still couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t sleep. Scared, I called my mum, Barbara and said, “There’s something wrong with me.”
She came to pick me up, and that was it – I was bedridden for three months and couldn’t work for a year.
Until that point, I’d thought I was living my best life, sharing a warehouse flat with 17 other people and travelling with work. I was working hard and playing hard.
Suddenly, I couldn’t function. I couldn’t brush my teeth or have a shower and my phone terrified me. I was worried someone would tell me I’d done something wrong.
I got counselling via my job and was put on medication. When I got the diagnosis of depression, it was terrifying – you think that’s how you’re going to be forever – but at the same time my life finally made sense to me. I’m outgoing and like socialising, but there were introverted and anxious parts of me I wouldn’t show to other people.
Burned out
I realised I’d been battling these issues for years. I was a moody teenager, but can probably trace it back to early childhood. I’d built up coping mechanisms, like drinking too much. I was always busy because I couldn’t be on my own. The result was I depleted all my energy and burned out. I’d split up with someone too, and that was a catalyst. It was a perfect storm.
I looked into other types of help. I’m not anti-medication as it can be part of the healing process, but when I tried antidepressants I couldn’t be myself. I remember saying to a friend, “Imagine if someone told you the people you love most had died and you just shrugged your shoulders?” I couldn’t go through life like that.
Instead, I tried meditation, journalling, EMDR (eye movement desensitisation reprogramming) and
EFT (emotional freedom techniques). It started to work. I went from being bedridden and having panic attacks that were so bad I couldn’t leave the house to setting up a business.
There were setbacks along the way. I went back to my old job in 2015, but lasted just 20 minutes. I’d thought I was better because I wasn’t thinking about committing suicide 20 times a day, but it was too much for me.
I trained in sound therapy, reiki and meditation, and launched Welford Wellbeing in 2017. I offer guided meditation sessions and alternative therapies to help people reconnect with themselves and move beyond their label or diagnosis. I’ve got a Facebook group called the Clear Community and have launched Clear Club, a monthly membership group.
I think people can wake up in their thirties or forties and think, “How did I even get here? Do
I like my life, do I like my job, do I even like my friends?” We’re taught we can buy happiness, but if we lived our lives according to how we want to feel rather than what we want to have, mental health would be vastly improved.
Now, I’m happier and calmer than I have ever been. I found myself in the right place to meet someone and we’ve been together for six months, although I’m still fiercely independent.
If I feel myself slipping back, it’s because I’m not staying on top of things that make me feel good, like eating the right food or getting enough exercise.
The way I see it, I uplift people who are suffering from anxiety and depression and show them there is so much we can do to heal ourselves.
Rachael’s podcast, things I Wish I’d Known, is available now.to sign up to Clear Club, visit welfordwellbeing.com and find out more on Instagram @welfordwellbeing