”I help 500 women orgasm every week”
Ky Hoyle tells us why she’s so proud of Sh!, the women-focused sex shop she opened almost 30 years ago
‘Hollywood A-listers have visited my shop’
Since lockdown forced her business online only, Ky Hoyle, in her fifties, has sex-educated many more women around the globe. She lives in East London and began dating a new partner during lockdown…
Whether I’m encouraging women to talk about their “lady gardens”, testing new sex toys or having a chat with Phil and Holly on the This Morning sofa, my job is never dull. My entire 30-year career has been about empowering women to explore and enjoy their sexuality – nothing makes me blush any more.
I was raised in Yorkshire, to liberal if conventional parents. I remember being in physics classes and feeling like girls shouldn’t take a back seat to the boys. I knew we were just as able. But there was nothing in my school years to suggest I’d try to revolutionise the UK sex industry in later life.
I was 16 when I lost my virginity, but I was having sexual experiences earlier. After my art degree in Brighton, I taught English in Japan, and then came to London in the 1990s. There was so much negativity around sexuality then, the Government banned the teaching of LGBTQ+ life and the Aids epidemic was still prominent.
The idea for Sh! all started after a disastrous shopping trip for sex toys in Soho. As a liberated feminist, I innocently believed it was my right to explore my sexuality, but these shops were horrible – alienating, intimidating and oppressive for women. Being female, you were seen as “game”, for pervy attention. The products were all for men – it was all porn, blow-up dolls, monster d**k vibrators and red PVC. Yuk.
I visited over 20 shops that day, getting madder and madder. The more mainstream “lingerie with toys” type shops appeared more female-friendly, but were mainly about being sexy for your man. I stomped home cross, moaning to my friend that there wasn’t one store catering for women. She said, “So open one!” And, three months later, in April 1992, that’s exactly what I did.
With just £700 and no real business plan, Sh!, the UK’S first women’s sex emporium, opened to a press fanfare because it was such a novelty. We had more journalists coming in than customers initially. And there were slim pickings of female-friendly products available. Most things were just 18 inches of various throbbing penis shapes. Until, in an old, dusty box at our supplier’s warehouse, I fell upon the Rabbit.
SEX AND THE CITY
In the late 90s, Cosmo magazine asked us what toy we’d most recommend, and we said the Rabbit. No one had heard of it.
The next day, we had 600 orders and it’s since had a whole episode of Sex
And The City dedicated to it. So I guess we brought it to the mainstream.
We began making our own pretty, stylish, small toys and quickly got loyal customers, including celebrities. I can’t name names, but there’s been the original face of Girl Power, a Sex And
The City actress, a supermodel, many pop, soap and sports legends, and various Hollywood A-listers. Plus, some stellar British female comedians enjoyed a private in-store party a few years ago, and let’s say a fab time was had by all.
There have been many highs and lows along the way. In the early days we were taken to court by overzealous council officials for “selling obscene goods without a licence”.
More exciting was in 2002 when I was invited to an Aids awareness event at Downing Street. It would have been impolite not taking a gift for the host, Cherie Blair. So I took her a Rabbit, all wrapped up prettily. I felt nervous going through the security checks, though!
Whenever I go to a party or event I always take some vibrators. People say, horrified, “Oh my aunty or granny won’t want that!” but I leave them on the table, and they always get taken home. There’s no reason to stop being orgasmic post menopause. Lube is one of the best sex aids there is, whatever your age.
It’s never just been about flogging products for me. I wanted to have a safe space where women could feel comfortable coming for advice, learn about their bodies and enjoy their sexuality. Once, a woman came in with a list of products. We gave her a cup of tea and after she’d relaxed it turned out her husband had said she was boring and wanted to pep things up. She just wanted a cuddle. We told her to go away and think about it. We didn’t make a sale that day but that wasn’t the point.
We’ve also helped a couple who had been married for two years but had never consummated the relationship. And advised a mum on how to retrieve her vibrator from her teenage daughter who’d helped herself to it!
For a long time, our policy was that men were only welcome as guests of women. But we stopped that recently because, of course, trans men and women are welcome and gender is so fluid.
When the pandemic struck, we had to shut up shop. I was gutted. But it made us take our classes online, so many more women were able to access them. We now help around 500 women a week have orgasms.
We have customers everywhere, from Columbia to Saudi Arabia, which is wonderful. In some countries, it’s illegal to buy sex toys, so we’ve created tiny, pretty vibrators disguised as lipsticks or necklaces that women can happily smuggle through airports.
the perfect opportunity
Many couples found the pandemic the perfect opportunity to get more adventurous with their lovemaking – sales of strap-ons have increased this year.
In our online classes, some women are too ashamed to talk about their vulvas and vaginas. I hear the words “fandango”, “pussy” or “lady garden” mainly. But we talk about arousal and fantasy and everything else.
It’s so rewarding when someone who’s been married for 25 years with three kids writes to say we helped her have her first orgasm.
I’ve never been married or had kids, and I try not to label myself – who cares any more? But I quite like the term “heteroflexible”.
Last September, I began a new romance with a woman I’ve been friends with for years. So I’m having quite a lot of sex now, thank you very much!
My store has been open for almost 30 years and women have had to battle centuries of not having permission to own our sexuality. We are still working on it but I’m so proud of what we’ve achieved.
Shush Life courses are available online now at shushlife.com