Nottingham Post

Ninety-two

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It’s hard to keep appearance­s

Now I’m nearing ninety-three

’Cos my eyesight isn’t perfect

And it’s difficult to see.

I have to tend my aching feet

Before I venture out;

I don’t know what’s the trouble

Though my doctor says it’s gout.

Of course my hair needs trimming

For I need to see the way,

Also conk and ear-’ole whiskers,

They need cutting every day.

And when my teeth need cleaning

Well, I’ve got to find them first;

No wonder I’m frustrated

With a temper fit to burst.

Ah, here’s the tube of toothpaste

Which I squeeze upon the brush;

It really tastes quite awful,

Oh! It’s soothing cream for thrush.

I dab my chin in aftershave,

At least I think I have;

But why’s it in the plastic tub

I use to clean the bath?

And for sweetly-odoured underarms,

Enough of this is said,

I cannot put my arms down,

I used lacquer spray instead.

It’s hard to keep appearance­s

With a mind askew as mine

And when I’m ready to go out

I’ve clean run out of time.

Ian C Gray Wollaton Park

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