‘You can’t
As she launches a new podcast, Coleen Nolan opens up about how she’s dealt with grief
BEFORE she died, Coleen Nolan’s sister Bernie told her, “You can cry for two weeks, then you have to stop and get on with it.”
“And I’ll always remember that,” says Coleen, “because she is right – there is no point continually crying.
“My coping mechanism is I always have to find the funny in it. But it’s important to accept and understand that everybody grieves differently.”
You’ll miss that person forever, but you learn to live with it and it becomes a beautiful memory instead of a sad one
CELEBRITY EXPERIENCES
The singer and Loose Women star is launching a new five-episode podcast series today, in which she chats to celebrity friends about their experiences of death and grief, as well as sharing her own.
Each week in Let’s Talk About Grief, Coleen will touch on a different theme, from losing a parent, sibling or a spouse, to finding happiness again.
She will also be joined by Co-op Funeralcare experts, who’ll explain how the company provides support to those who are grieving, both before and after the funeral, as well as the importance of keepsakes and memorials. In addition, specialists from Cruse Bereavement Support – which partners with Co-op Funeralcare – will offer advice on dealing with grief.
“It’s an important topic to be able to talk about,” says Coleen, “It just seems to be so different for everyone.
“I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to grieve, but I think people feel that there is. That’s why things like this podcast are great. It will get people to open up more – and also to understand, and maybe relate to some of the stories.
“When you’re grieving it’s a really solitary feeling. You don’t feel that anyone understands the pain you’re in. Or you have that moment of ‘I don’t know how to get out of bed’ or ‘I don’t know how to move on’. When you hear other people’s experiences, that helps – it makes you go, ‘Oh it’s OK, because they felt like that as well.’
Coleen’s sister, the actress and singer Bernie Nolan, was just 52 when she died in 2013, after being diagnosed with breast cancer three years earlier. Coleen finds comfort in remembering her from their singing days as the Nolans: “I don’t want to think of Bernie at the end of her life because that was horrible to watch, but I remember our touring days and before she got ill, and how funny she was.” People’s reactions have often helped when she’s been finding it hard: “I’ve had people come up and have literally just given me a hug and not said a word, and sometimes that’s all I need. Equally, if someone tells me, ‘I remember when Bernie did this and she was amazing,’ then that’s lovely as well.
Coleen explains that being there for someone can mean letting them know you’re at the end of the phone, or asking if they want you to pop over. It can even mean tough love, like if her sister Linda has one too many “duvet days”: “Then we say, ‘No, you’re not having it again, up you get.’ Because the problem is you can just sink further and further.
“I don’t celebrate Bernie on her birthday or the day she died or at Christmas; I celebrate her every day in my heart.”
There is no time frame for grief, she adds. “If it’s someone you love, you’ll miss them forever, but you learn to live with it, and it becomes a beautiful memory instead of a sad one.”