Dad could express love in a bacon sandwich...
Award-winning comedian Tom Allen tells HANNAH STEPHENSON how his new book turned out to be a homage to his father, following his death last year
COMEDIAN and TV presenter Tom Allen is recalling the last text he received from his father before he died suddenly late last year.
“He was saying he should come and bleed the radiators in my house,” says Tom, deadpan.
But then again his father – Paul, a working class coach driver from Bromley, Kent – was very practical compared with his “creative, flouncy, oversensitive” son, he adds.
“He had the best heart and, rather than poetic mantras, and in contrast to my quasi-’posh’ outlook, would say things like ‘Shove it!’ to dismiss anything stressful.”
The award-winning comedian – whose TV shows include The Apprentice: You’re Fired, The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice, and Celebrity Gogglebox – has now written his second memoir Too Much, essentially a homage to his late father, who died aged 80 from a heart attack on his way to a London show.
“There’s a catharsis putting things on the page, and you come to understand your own emotions by relating them like that,” he says. “I hope that in doing that, it makes other people realise there are good days and bad days in this world.”
Tom was on holiday in the Caribbean with his partner, Alfie – his first boyfriend, he points out – when his father died. “We were there for a day when I got the call. Then we had another odd day waiting to fly back to the UK. I don’t normally do extravagant things like going on that sort of holiday and part of me thought, ‘That’ll teach you!’”
He realises he was in shock in the immediate aftermath.
“In those moments, you have to cry when you feel like it. You’re suddenly given this permission to be emotional and honest with people around you, and I feel it’s brought my mum and my brother and I very close together, in a positive way.” He describes himself as ‘an eccentric, sometimes very emotional, Patricia Routledge obsessed loner’ in the book, as he records his life in hilarious and at times heartbreaking tones.
But it’s far more droll than depressing. His mother’s delight that the refurbished funeral parlour they visited looked like a show home is one example; his caustic comparison between his father’s funeral and another they attended soon afterwards is another.
While he loved his father deeply and vice-versa, Tom recalls that at times, their relationship was fraught.
Paul was born in the Second World War in a time of rationing, rules and regulations, when emotions were not displayed, compared with his more performance-led son, who tended to focus on interiors and how to re-arrange the kitchen.
There were irritations at home. Paul, for instance, would put the main light on in a room, his take being that it afforded the best light, while Tom would frantically run around switching on the lamps and cursing that he was born into a family without dimmer switches.
“Dad and I were similar in some ways and very different in others and despite that, we were very close. It wasn’t like, ‘I love you Dad’, ‘I’m proud of you, son’. My dad would express his love in other ways. He could express his love in a bacon sandwich.”
In his first memoir, No Shame, Tom wrote about the self-loathing which engulfed him as he endeavoured to stay under the radar of school bullies, tried to navigate online dating, and finally came out to his parents when he was in his 20s.
Today, he recalls: “I came out to my mum first – and she was cautious about telling dad because he was a bit old-fashioned in some ways. I told him over the phone and actually he was very emotional and got tearful about it, but his only anxiety was that I’d look after myself, as there was still a concern about Aids. He was nothing but caring.”
In the latest book, Tom charts his adventures in Japan and his endeavours to make it as a comedian in New York, as well as the recent revelations on ITV’S DNA Journey that he is Gloria Hunniford’s cousin.
“Other people do the DNA Journey and find they are related to royalty, and in a way I suppose I am too. It’s wonderful in its way that my cousin turned out to be Gloria Hunniford.
“We’ve been in touch and are trying to find a date when we are both free, as she lives down the road from me in Kent. My mum’s keen to have lunch too.”
He reflects that no longer having his father around has made him grow up, accepting who he is and what he wants in life.
When Paul died, Tom had only that year moved out of his parents’ home to his first house just down the road, at age 37.
“I loved living at home, but when you lose a parent, you have to confront the realities of life, which is that none of us are here for a long time, life is ticking for all of us, and I don’t say that in a negative way.
“My dad always used to say to me, ‘Oh, you’re not happy unless you’ve got something to worry about’. It [his death] taught me to stop worrying and just get on with life and do stuff.”
He speaks to a therapist regularly and says it helps him cope with extremes of emotions. He also received support from fellow comedians, including Rob Beckett, who lives nearby and went out on walks with his bereaved pal.
“I was amazed by so many kind friends in comedy. Rob’s been such a great friend to me, a rock, a wave of positivity. He’s an amazing presence because he’s very upbeat, thoughtful and emotionally aware of people. He always picks me up,” says Tom.
Gardening has helped him manage his emotions, too. “It’s quite meditative. You have to stop and slow down. I’ve realised the world is full of distractions,” he reflects. “But I found that gardening slowed me down, it made me concentrate on one thing at a time.”
Comedy has remained a welcome antidote to grief and other big changes in his life.
“With comedy, you have to talk about those honest things, those vulnerabilities, those moments of feeling afraid, and people connect with it and laugh because they feel a sense of relief.”
Paul had met Tom’d boyfriend, Alfie, an events organiser and actor. They’ve been together just over a year. “Alfie’s been amazing. He’s a very kind person and calming for me. He’s very grounded. This is my first ever relationship and it just calms you down a bit.”
The comedian is embarking on a new tour, Completely, next year, and although he’ll be referencing that he lost his dad, the show will be upbeat, he insists.
“I feel passionate about making people laugh and giving them a chance to smile and laugh at the world. You make fun of things to make the world more bearable.”
It’s brought my mum and my brother and I very close together, in a positive way Tom on grieving for his father
THE COMING DARKNESS
by Greg Mosse, Moonflower Publishing, £18.99, ebook £5.99
★★★★✩
The Coming Darkness is a clever, fast-paced thriller with incredible world building.
While a big chunk of the book is used to introduce various characters and set the scene, author Greg Mosse skilfully ties everything together into an immersive dystopian world full of spies and danger.
The reader follows main character Alexandre Lamarque, who works for the French security services and has many different identities he switches into.
The novel, set in a postpandemic 2037, takes some time to get into, but is worth the patience as Mosse presents an impressive debut with a cinematic narrative style that is just waiting to be adapted for the screen.