Spice Up Your Life

’Cause Glo­ria Gaynor can’t al­ways be there to mop up the tears…

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Know you’re not alone

Katy Perry. Rita Ora. Tay­lor Swift. Even the most suc­cess­ful women in the world get dumped. It sucks, but you can get through it. And you don’t have to write a hit song about it af­ter­wards, ei­ther. ‘Your body is in trauma, and feel­ings of aban­don­ment and re­jec­tion can at­tack your self-worth,’ says love coach Per­sia Law­son (per­sialaw­son.com). ‘I wouldn’t wish it on my worst en­emy.’ But al­ways re­mem­ber, even in the low­est mo­ments, when the De­liv­eroo man has spied your tear-soaked, snot-en­crusted PJS for the fifth time that week. Don’t give up. You. Will. Get. Over. Him.


Hit the block but­ton Bru­tal re­al­ity check? He’s not chang­ing his mind. So pull up your adult pants as it’s go­ing to hurt like hell. But, for the love of god, do not con­tact him. ‘Peo­ple de­lay the heal­ing process by find­ing ex­cuses to stay in touch with their exes,’ says Per­sia. ‘This ag­gra­vates the wound – and leaves you feel­ing worse. I’d sug­gest no con­tact for six months – hav­ing space is the only way you’ll be able to start heal­ing.’ And yes, so­cial me­dia stalk­ing is cheat­ing. Just block him. Be­cause heart­break di­alling is as tempt­ing as the drunken va­ri­ety (and equally as re­gret­table the next day). Don’t worry, he’ll com­ing run­ning back months later when you’re well and truly OVER it.


For­get the quick fix

Pizza, rosé, flirt­ing with the sil­ver fox who works on the floor above at work: all of­fer in­stant warm and fuzzies but, in the long run, you’ll feel worse (es­pe­cially when you dis­cover he’s mar­ried. And old enough to be your dad. Awks). ‘You’re only de­lay­ing the in­evitable – grief must be felt to be healed,’ says Per­sia. ‘And while you’re feel­ing it, it’s cru­cial that you eat healthily, get eight hours of sleep, ex­er­cise, and spend time out­side ev­ery day. The more you nur­ture your­self, the faster you’ll de­velop in­ner strength and re­silience.’


Eat, sleep but don’t re­peat When it comes to re­la­tion­ships, we let our bad habits re­peat on us like last night’s chicken bhuna af­ter three pints of beer. ‘We’re pro­grammed to grav­i­tate to­wards what’s fa­mil­iar, no mat­ter how painful,’ ex­plains Per­sia. ‘Write down the good and bad points of the doomed re­la­tion­ship and your ex, as well as the rea­son for it end­ing.’ Spot more pat­terns than in­side a Cath Kid­ston fac­tory? We thought so. Now here’s the im­por­tant thing – don’t do them ever again.


Know what you want

Did Jen give up on love af­ter Brad left her for An­gelina, and John Mayer ditched her by text? Hell no. And nei­ther should you. ‘Ac­cept it, and fo­cus all of your en­ergy on re­build­ing your­self and your life on as pos­i­tive foun­da­tions as pos­si­ble,’ says Per­sia. ‘Know the at­tributes you want your fu­ture part­ner to have, and how you want your re­la­tion­ship to feel. And spend more time do­ing the things you love with the peo­ple who en­er­gise and in­spire you.’ Then get your­self back out there!

For more help af­ter be­ing to dumped, go heart-re­hab. com. Fol­low Per­sia on twit­ter at @Per­sia_ Law­son

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