Spice Up Your Life
’Cause Gloria Gaynor can’t always be there to mop up the tears…
Know you’re not alone
Katy Perry. Rita Ora. Taylor Swift. Even the most successful women in the world get dumped. It sucks, but you can get through it. And you don’t have to write a hit song about it afterwards, either. ‘Your body is in trauma, and feelings of abandonment and rejection can attack your self-worth,’ says love coach Persia Lawson (persialawson.com). ‘I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.’ But always remember, even in the lowest moments, when the Deliveroo man has spied your tear-soaked, snot-encrusted PJS for the fifth time that week. Don’t give up. You. Will. Get. Over. Him.
Hit the block button Brutal reality check? He’s not changing his mind. So pull up your adult pants as it’s going to hurt like hell. But, for the love of god, do not contact him. ‘People delay the healing process by finding excuses to stay in touch with their exes,’ says Persia. ‘This aggravates the wound – and leaves you feeling worse. I’d suggest no contact for six months – having space is the only way you’ll be able to start healing.’ And yes, social media stalking is cheating. Just block him. Because heartbreak dialling is as tempting as the drunken variety (and equally as regrettable the next day). Don’t worry, he’ll coming running back months later when you’re well and truly OVER it.
Forget the quick fix
Pizza, rosé, flirting with the silver fox who works on the floor above at work: all offer instant warm and fuzzies but, in the long run, you’ll feel worse (especially when you discover he’s married. And old enough to be your dad. Awks). ‘You’re only delaying the inevitable – grief must be felt to be healed,’ says Persia. ‘And while you’re feeling it, it’s crucial that you eat healthily, get eight hours of sleep, exercise, and spend time outside every day. The more you nurture yourself, the faster you’ll develop inner strength and resilience.’
Eat, sleep but don’t repeat When it comes to relationships, we let our bad habits repeat on us like last night’s chicken bhuna after three pints of beer. ‘We’re programmed to gravitate towards what’s familiar, no matter how painful,’ explains Persia. ‘Write down the good and bad points of the doomed relationship and your ex, as well as the reason for it ending.’ Spot more patterns than inside a Cath Kidston factory? We thought so. Now here’s the important thing – don’t do them ever again.
Know what you want
Did Jen give up on love after Brad left her for Angelina, and John Mayer ditched her by text? Hell no. And neither should you. ‘Accept it, and focus all of your energy on rebuilding yourself and your life on as positive foundations as possible,’ says Persia. ‘Know the attributes you want your future partner to have, and how you want your relationship to feel. And spend more time doing the things you love with the people who energise and inspire you.’ Then get yourself back out there!
For more help after being to dumped, go heart-rehab. com. Follow Persia on twitter at @Persia_ Lawson