Top 10 dos and don’ts
Here are Louise Van Der Velde’s 10 go-to tips on having a threesome:
1 Ask yourself why you are having it. Do you both really want it and are you prepared to share your partner?
2 Use empowering counselling tools, such as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), timeline (when you go back in your mind and find the point where you first experienced a jealous thought and clear it), and tapping, which is a self-medication tool.
3 Don’t choose a friend to join you, find a stranger on a website such as Illicit Encounters (illicitencounters.com). Make sure you browse the site together to choose the right person, never let one person choose.
4 Once you have found the right person, get to know them by speaking to them first. Be honest with what you are prepared to do and how far you are prepared to share each other.
5 Never invite anyone to your home. Choose somewhere neutral, such as a hotel, and make sure there is a phone in the room.
6 Set a ‘safe word’ – a trigger which you can use to tell your partner you are uncomfortable and want to leave. Choose something obscure, such as ‘pineapple’, so it can’ be confused with anything else. 7 Don’t pay the other person more attention than your partner unless this is part of your kink. If you do, this could lead to insecurities and arguments after. 8 See this as a growth experience. Emotional lessons will be learned. 9 Use tantra and build your energy as a couple so you know your bond is unbreakable. Do not set too many rules. 10 Never do something you’re not happy with. It is your body, own it. The woman should always call the shots.