Top 10 dos and don’ts

Now (UK) - - REAL LIFE -

Here are Louise Van Der Velde’s 10 go-to tips on hav­ing a three­some:

1 Ask your­self why you are hav­ing it. Do you both re­ally want it and are you pre­pared to share your part­ner?

2 Use em­pow­er­ing coun­selling tools, such as Emo­tional Free­dom Tech­niques (EFT), time­line (when you go back in your mind and find the point where you first ex­pe­ri­enced a jeal­ous thought and clear it), and tap­ping, which is a self-med­i­ca­tion tool.

3 Don’t choose a friend to join you, find a stranger on a web­site such as Il­licit En­coun­ters (il­lici­ten­coun­ters.com). Make sure you browse the site to­gether to choose the right per­son, never let one per­son choose.

4 Once you have found the right per­son, get to know them by speak­ing to them first. Be hon­est with what you are pre­pared to do and how far you are pre­pared to share each other.

5 Never in­vite any­one to your home. Choose some­where neu­tral, such as a ho­tel, and make sure there is a phone in the room.

6 Set a ‘safe word’ – a trig­ger which you can use to tell your part­ner you are un­com­fort­able and want to leave. Choose some­thing ob­scure, such as ‘pineap­ple’, so it can’ be con­fused with any­thing else. 7 Don’t pay the other per­son more at­ten­tion than your part­ner un­less this is part of your kink. If you do, this could lead to in­se­cu­ri­ties and ar­gu­ments after. 8 See this as a growth ex­pe­ri­ence. Emo­tional les­sons will be learned. 9 Use tantra and build your en­ergy as a cou­ple so you know your bond is un­break­able. Do not set too many rules. 10 Never do some­thing you’re not happy with. It is your body, own it. The woman should al­ways call the shots.

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